Yes, Barry, you DID.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 12:01 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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As men age, we start seeing more and more of the medical
World and its employees, which nowadays seems to have more and
More women as our Physicians and Therapists, etc., and in this case
A new urologist for me.

My family Doctor just recently referred me to a "just out of
Medical school" female urologist. I saw her yesterday, and
she's absolutely drop-dead gorgeous... As well as unbelievably sexy.

She told me that I must stop masturbating.

I asked her why, and she said,

"Because I'm trying to examine you.......

H/T toCatfish(yeah, I can see ya doing this too! LMAO)

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 01:52 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Posted by: Delftsman3 at 01:33 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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One morning, three Rebs and three Yankees were in a ticket line at a train station.
The three Northerners each bought a ticket, and watched as the three Rebs bought just one ticket.

"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asked one of the Yankees.
"Watch and learn," answered one of the boys from Georgia.

All six boarded the train where the three Yankees sat down, but the three Rebs crammed into a restroom together and closed the door.
Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around to collect tickets.
He knocked on the restroom door and said, "Ticket, please."
The door opened just a crack, and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand.
The conductor took it and moved on.

The Yankees saw this happen and agreed it was quite a clever idea.
Indeed, it was so clever that they decided to do the same thing on the return trip and save some money.

That afternoon when they got back to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip and watched while to their astonishment, the three Rebs didn't buy even one ticket.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asked one of the perplexed Yankees.
"Watch and learn," answered the three Rebel boys in unison.

When they boarded the train, the three Northerners crammed themselves into one restroom and the three Rebs crammed into another one just down the way. Shortly after the train began to move, one of the Rebs left their restroom and walked over to the one in which the Yankees were hiding.
The Rebs knocked on the door and said, "Ticket, please."

There's just no way on God's green earth, to explain how, the Yankees won that war.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 06:20 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Q. WhatÂ’s the difference between Obama and Jesus?

A. Jesus was a carpenter; Obama canÂ’t assemble a cabinet.

At least a cabinet that isn't either a Clintoon retread and/or a tax cheat. Fox, hen-house, etc.....the upshot is that the People are getting screwed, yet again.
But this time if you complain; you are either a racist or an unbeliever.

Keep your powder dry, the time draws nigh.

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A RECESSION IS WHEN YOUR NEIGHBOR LOSES HIS JOB.

A DEPRESSION IS WHEN YOU LOSE YOURS.

A RECOVERY IS WHEN OBAMA LOSES HIS.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 01:15 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Seems that the Obamatron has ginned up a whole new element!!!:

A new element has been discovered, however it's been in existence for
some years now.

Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest
element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium(
Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198
assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons,
which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles
called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it
can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes
into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction
that would normally take less than a second, to take from four days to
four years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years; It does not
decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of
the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time,
since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons,
forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to
believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical
concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical
morass.

When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium,
an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it
has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 02:26 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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"America is at that awkward stage. It's too late to work within the
system, but too early to shoot the bastards."
Claire Wolfe (101 Things to Do 'Till the Revolution'.)

I received this quote as part of an e-mail I got this morning, and it really resonated with the way I feel...I'm just thinking that the time to 'shoot the bastards' may just be a lot closer than Ms. Wolfe thinks.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 02:08 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Subject: Stutter

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. 'Human beings are the only animals that stutter,' she says.

A little girl raises her hand. 'I had a kitty-cat who stuttered.'

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

'Well', she began, 'I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!'

'That must've been scary,' said the teacher.

'It sure was,' said the little girl. 'My kitty raised her back, went Sssss, Sssss, Sssss' and before she could say 'Shit!', the Rottweiler ate her!

The teacher had to leave the room.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 10:30 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Forget Rednecks, here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about
Hoosiers....

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from
September through May, you may live in Indiana.

If someone in a Home Depot store offers you
assistance and they don't work there, you may live in Indiana.

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same
time, you may live in Indiana.

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation
with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Indiana.

If 'Vacation' means going anywhere south of
Muncie for the weekend, you may live in Indiana.

If you measure distance in hours, you may live
In Indiana.

If you know several people who have hit a deer
more than once, you may live in Indiana.

If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' in
the same day and back again, you may live in Indiana.

If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow
during a raging blizzard without flinching, you may live in
Indiana.

If you install security lights on your house
and garage, but leave both unlocked, you may live in Indiana.

If you carry jumpers in your car and your wife
knows how to use them, you may live in Indiana.

If you design your kid's Halloween costume to
fit over a snowsuit, you may live in Indiana.

If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph
-- you're going 80 and everybody is passing you, you may live
in Indiana.

If driving is better in the winter because
the potholes are filled with snow, you may live in Indiana.

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter,
winter, still winter and road construction, you may live in Indiana.

If you have more miles on your snow blower than
your car, you may live in Indiana.

If you find 10 degrees 'a little chilly', you
may live in Indiana.

If you actually understand these jokes, and
forward them to all your Indiana friends & others, you
definitely live in Indiana.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 10:19 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Posted by: Delftsman3 at 04:16 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot.

The doctor comes in and says, 'Ah, I see you've regained consciousness.
Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the freeway.
You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but..... something happened....

I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it.'

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, 'You've got $9,000 in insurance compensation coming and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did -better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's $1,000 an inch.'

The man perks up at this. 'So,' the doctor says, 'it's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision.

'The man agrees to talk with his wife.

The doctor comes back the next day.
So,' says the doctor, 'have you spoken with your wife?'

'I have,' says the man. 'And has she helped you in making the decision?'

'Yes, she has,' says the man.

'And what is it?' asks the doctor.

'We're getting new countertops

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 11:13 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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A man seeking to join a south Texas Sheriff's Department is being interviewed.

The Sergeant doing the interview says: "Your qualifications all look good, but there is an attitude suitability test that you must take before you can be accepted."

Then, sliding a service pistol and a box of ammo across the desk, he says: "Take this pistol and go out and shoot six illegal aliens, six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists, and a rabbit."
"Why the rabbit?"

"Great attitude," says the Sergeant. "When can you start?"

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 04:14 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I JUST LEARNED THAT OBAMA IS GOING TO IMPOSE A 40% TAX ON ASPIRIN!
THE REASON GIVEN WAS BECAUSE IT'S WHITE AND IT WORKS!

************************************************************************************************************

Yeah, I know, it's a racist joke, but folks, humor works because at the base of the supposition there is some kernel of truth. Mr. Obama's proposals to date to try to repair our present economic slump have all been based on class envy and populist pandering to the economically disadvantaged (Hey Barry, you WON the election, there is no need to keep campaigning!).

These so called "bailouts" and "economic stimulus" packages are nothing more than pork payback to keep the sponsors fat and happy, at the expense of our country and our grandchildren's' economic health. In summation, "politics as usual". These are difficult times and such shortsightedness will result in ever increasing hardship and a severe lowering of the standard of living for every citizen now existing and even worse conditions for those as yet unborn.

It is our fault. We have installed a socialist in the highest office of the land and shouldn't be surprised that he wants to try the same old dis-proven socialist economic programs that have proven to be disastrous time after time in the past (see Russia, China, Cuba, etc,etc,etc).

There IS a way out of the morass we find ourselves in. It requires that we think outside of the box that has shaped our thinking about government financing since another socialistic President used WWI as a way to institute personal income taxes. We need to return to our roots. The FAIR TAX is the best solution, IMHO.

People forget that for the first half of our countries existence, the people at large DID NOT PAY TAXES ON THEIR INCOME. The federal budget at that time was equal to or smaller than some state budgets today....
It's unrealistic to dream that we will ever return to that small of a Federal budget, but we CAN and SHOULD reduce the present budget to a point where we no longer have trillion dollar deficits and require monetary dependence on foreign countries to service that debt. That's an open "dirty little secret" folks. Currently, China has control of most of our government debt...the pandering politicians in Congress have mortgaged our economic freedom to, arguably, our worst enemy...and the average person on the street doesn't realize that fact, or know the implications of that fact, due to the lowering of educational standards over the last thirty years.

Mr. Obama is the first culmination of a long-sighted Socialist agenda that has been festering in the American background since the 1930s. The Socialists have been patient and cautious to never reveal their true agenda over that period of time, and they have been highly successful; so successful that anyone that tries to raise an alarm is viewed by the masses as a conspiracy nut-job.

The Socialists are aware that their true agenda is unpalatable to the average free thinking American, so they use the principle of incremental application. First they gradually inculcate themselves into the academic structure. By becoming the teachers of the next generation, they install their values onto the next generation of leaders and their followers. They lower the standards in the interests of "fairness" so as to not damage the fragile egos of those that are unable or unwilling to exert the effort it takes to become truly educated; indeed, they pander to those egos, coddling them, raising them unwarrantedly, and maintaining them in a fragile state, as that type of ego is much easier to exert control over.
They tell little Johnny that "it's all right he didn't get the correct answer to that arithmetic problem, the important thing is he TRIED to solve it". They tell little Suzie that she shouldn't "settle" for being a good mother/homemaker/wife; she deserves to be able to "do it all" without questioning what sacrifices she must make in some other area of her life.
I'm NOT saying that she can't be anything she wants to be {except a father, and science is probably working on that too..},but she has to realize that there are choices that have to be made in that decision, and that being a mother and homemaker is THE ultimate career there can be. The decline of society started when society at large lost sight of that fact.

When women starting abdicating motherhood to the State, the Socialists made their greatest gain in the furtherance of their agenda.

Just what is the Socialist agenda anyway? It's difficult to fight against an enemy whose goals are unknown to you. Stripped of all it's politics and covers, Socialism is merely the exertion of control. Control by the socialist over everyone else around him. Every Socialist believes in his very heart that HE will be that ultimate controller. That is the reason that Michael Savage is correct when he states that "Liberalism(Socialism) is a mental illness"; every adherent believes that he is the ultimate arbitrator over others in his own mind, regardless of the openly observable fact that he is not (Savage is a nut-job, but, as they say, even a broken clock is correct at least twice a day).

I know I put a lot of different ideas in a not-so-coherent package in the diatribe above. Sometimes trying to express myself is frustrating; like the manic phase of a manic/depressive it can get confusing because there is so much to say and no control to put it into a coherent form....I need to get an editor... but I hope I did sow some small seeds in some one's mind.

Time to get off the soapbox, I need to clean a few items and load some magazines, I always find that calms a racing mind.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 05:31 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71.

Known to friends as Brown-n-Serve, Fresh was an avid gardener and tennis player. Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Aunt Jemima, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Skippy. The graveside was piled high with flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded."

Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes -- conned by those who buttered him up.

Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife. They have two children and another bun in the oven. The funeral was held at 350 for about 20 minutes.

H/T to Just Jokes...

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 06:36 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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IMPORTANT PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

The term "Nigger Rigged" is no longer acceptable effective immediately.

It will now be referred to as a "Presidential Solution".

Thank You,

The United States Government

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This Dry Bones episode describes my feelings about the current actions in Gaza perfectly.
Nuff' said.

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The truth tends to bite liars in the ass every time, Huh Al?

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 10:42 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN :

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa , half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe , well developed and open to trade,
especially for someone with cash.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain , very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece , gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain , with a glorious and all conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel , has been through war and doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada , self-preserving but open to meeting new people.

After 70, she becomes Tibet , wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages...only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge visit there.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN :

Between 1 and 70, a man is like Iran , ruled by nuts....

H/T CATFISH

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 10:00 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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