Every cat owner wil be able to relate to at least portions of this exercise in inter-species communication by Mamamontezz:

Dear Cat,

We need to talk.

When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions
with each other so there are still two cats in the way. The dishes with
the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are
mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle
of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food
and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating
me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I
fallfaster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry
about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure
your comfort. Look at videos of cats sleeping; they can actually curl
up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other
stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking
tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to
maximize space used is nothing but feline sarcasm.

My compact discs are not toys for you and your friends to play with.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by
some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is
not necessary to claw, whine, and try to turn the knob, or get your paw
under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the
same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years
and I know that feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, and then go smell the other cat's butt. I
cannot stress this enough. It should be such a simple change for you.

Sincerely,

I just live here.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 08:48 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 366 words, total size 2 kb.

Wingless Angel sent me this today, it gave me a chuckle, hope you like it too.

A koala bear and a hooker go back to her place and they get
undressed.The koala bear goes down on the hooker for 3 hours
straight. She has multiple orgasms!!! After 3 hours he stops, gets
up and puts on his little koala clothes. The woman is hanging back
huffing and puffing from exhaustion. "Oh God that was great! Now I
need my money."

The koala bear just looks at her and shrugs.

Then the hooker says, "No, I need my money. I'm a hooker and this is how I make a living."

The koala bear just looks at her and continues to put on his
clothes. Then the hooker gets up and runs to the bookshelf, grabs a
dictionary and thumbs through it to "hooker." She hands it to the
koala bear and it reads:

HOOKER - person who has sex for money.

The koala bear turns the page to "koala bear" and walks out the
door. The hooker reads:

KOALA BEAR: Eats Bushes and Leaves."

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 05:11 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 193 words, total size 1 kb.

You know, if you want to be a shallow male sexist pig (and whats wrong with that?!?), You can always chose your political party by the beauty of the women of that party.

Compare and contrast, and I'm sure I'll see you at the next GOP committee meeting...Hail to thee, fellow pig!, now pardon me while I bathe my eyes to ease the burns from checking out those Democratic women.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 07:48 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 84 words, total size 1 kb.

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A teenager walked up
to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different colors:
green, red, orange, blue and yellow.

The old man just stared. Every time the teenager looked, the old man was staring.

The teenager finally said, sarcastically, "What's the matter old
timer, never done anything wild in your life?

Without batting an eye, the old man replied. "Got drunk once and had
sex with a peacock. I was wondering if you were my son."

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 03:17 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 96 words, total size 1 kb.

I dunno, I think these characters may be too old and socialist indoctrinated for remedial education to be effective, Gary.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 01:56 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Wingless Angel sent me these....now if he'd only send me a fifth of Jack or Couvasier, I could test Clavin's Buffalo Theory....

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
I feel shame Then I look into the glass and think
about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
and dreams . If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out
of work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let
their
dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the
hell
happened to your bra and panties.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're
going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you
are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
laughing WITH you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
I think not."
~ Stephen Wright

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can
sing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,
we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all
get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants
us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like
a retard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Without question, the greatest invention in the
history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the
wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your
friends over and over again that you love them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a
can!
~ Dave Howell
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can
logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin,
of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the
Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.
Here's how it went:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo
can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when
the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones
at the back that are killed first This natural selection is
good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of
the whole group keeps improving by the
regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the
human brain can only operate as fast as the
slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we
know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and
weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer
eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more
efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few
beers."
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
whispering when you are not.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 09:09 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 611 words, total size 4 kb.

A man had just finished reading the book "Man Of The
House" while making his train commute home from work.

By the time he reached home,he stormed into the house
and walked directly up to hiswife, pointing his finger in her face,
he said, "From now on I want you to know that I am the man of this house
and my word is law! You are to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight,
and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a scrumptious dessert afterward.

Then, after dinner, you're going to draw my bath so I can relax.

And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me
and comb my hair?"
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
"The Funeral Director would be my guess," said his wife.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 07:19 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Senator Kennedy Offers to Plug at Least One Big Hole in the New Orleans Levee

Shocked by the widespread suffering of those displaced from their homes by the flooding in New Orleans following Hurricane Katrina, Senator Edward Kennedy (D-Mass.) offered to plug one of the holes in the Lake Pontchartrain levee with his own ample body.

"The Bush Administration has failed to stem the tide of this cataclysm," said Kennedy. "I have had some experience with aquatic mishaps. This experience will bolster me in this hour of desperation as I plug one of the leaks myself."

Kennedy has arranged to have the Air Force transport him by helicopter and lower him into the easternmost breach in the levee. The hope is that the senator's doughy frame will be pliable enough to conform to the hole's dimensions and halt or, at least slow, the flow of water from the lake into the city.

President Bush praised Senator Kennedy's decision. "I think it's mighty big of him to offer so much for the good of the country," said Bush. "There aren't many who could fill such a large role in this disaster."

Not everyone favors restoring the levee. Both Disney and Turner Communications expressed interest in turning New Orleans into a giant theme park. Disney has drawn up preliminary plans for an attraction it has tentatively labeled "Disaster Land." Tourists could purchase helicopter rides to view the carnage, loot stores and fish souvenirs out of the muck. Turner plans similar tourist activities, but calls its attraction "Underwater World." Louisiana Governor Kathleen Blanco is reportedly considering these proposals.

In other news, Cuban dictator, Fidel Castro has also offered aid. "The Cuban people know how to build boats out of any scrap material," said Castro. "There are already more than a million volunteers .

H/T to Wingless Angel

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 08:25 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
Post contains 310 words, total size 2 kb.

1 That's a lot of necrotic tissue beneath that Chinook.

Posted by: Jack at September 14, 2005 12:04 PM (Rauwh)

2 That picture has to be photo-shopped. No helicopter could lift that weight.

Posted by: Woody at September 14, 2005 01:17 PM (t7ur8)

3 So we've move from jokes to parody now. This looks subversive. I may have to report you to the Department of Homeland Security. (I'll have to check there schedule for the next non-margarita day.)

Posted by: Karlo at September 14, 2005 11:01 PM (r65rq)

4 First Karlo, it's "THEIR", not "there", secondly, I'll let my DHS supervisor know to look for the report, I know he could use a good laugh right now. Thirdly, it's Boilermaker day, NOT Margarita day.

Posted by: delftsman3 at September 14, 2005 11:58 PM (UQeT8)

5 Okay that's just so funny! It would be even more amusing if the good Senator had not recently lost a bit of weight. But we can all agree he does have 'ample' experience with "aquatic mishaps". Although history shows his immediate response is flight not rescue. Let it be known I happen to have great admiration and respect for the Senator. Despite the indescretions of his youth. We all make mistakes. (Hopefully however, not all of us were responsible for the death of someone.) But I do think one could say he has been successfully rehabilitated, and has served his 'segment' of society well. This of course is just one simple southern woman's opinion. Yes, I know the theory about opinions.

Posted by: wanda at September 18, 2005 05:30 PM (1ivbm)

6 Now, now, don't be too rough on the guy. He is, after all, the Kennedy family's fourth string in his generation.

Posted by: Nothos at September 28, 2005 06:45 PM (7Dt96)

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This has got to be the all-time classic comeback. Note: This is an exact replication of National Public Radio(NPR)interview between a female broadcaster, and US Army General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.

INTERVIEWER: " So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?"

GENERAL REINWALD: 'We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting."

INTERVIEWER: "Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?"

GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range."

INTERVIEWER: "Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?"

GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see how, ....we will be teaching them proper rifle range discipline before they even touch a firearm."

INTERVIEWER: " But you're equipping them to become violent killers."

GENERAL REINWALD: "Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?"

The radio went silent and the interview ended!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Murphy's Laws Of Combat Operations

Friendly fire - isn't.

Recoilless rifles - aren't.

Suppressive fires - won't.

You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.

A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.

If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.

Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.

If at first you don't succeed, call in an airstrike.

If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.

Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.

Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.

Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.

If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.

The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack.

The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: when they're ready. & when you're not.

No OPLAN ever survives initial contact.

There is no such thing as a perfect plan.

Five second fuzes always burn three seconds.

There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.

A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.

The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard.

The easy way is always mined.

Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.

Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire. For this reason, it is not at all uncommon for aircraft carriers to be known as bomb magnets.

Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.

If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.

When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.

Incoming fire has the right of way.

No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.

No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.

If the enemy is within range, so are you.

The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren't.

Things that must work together, can't be carried to the field that way.

Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support.

Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both.

Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.

Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able to get out.

Tracers work both ways.

If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get more than your fair share of objectives to take.

When both sides are convinced they're about to lose, they're both right.

Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs.

Military Intelligence is a contradiction.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Diagnosis

"You've got a touch of pneumonia," said the medical officer after examining the new enlistee.

"Are you sure, sir?" queried one worried man. "I have known people in civvy street to be told they have pneumonia but then to die of something quite different."

"You are not in civil life, Samson. You're in the Army!" thundered the medical officer. "And if you get treated in the Army for pneumonia, you die of pneumonia."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Canada Aids the US Against Iraq

It was announced today that Canada is now prepared to help the United States in its war against terrorism. They have promised to commit 2 of their largest battleships, 6,000 armed troops, and 60 fighter jets.

However, after the exchange rate, that comes down to a canoe, 2 Mounties, and a flying squirrel.

#################################################

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 07:44 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 767 words, total size 5 kb.

1. You can get arrested for growing plants, but not for smoking them.

2. You can make jokes about the Belgians and still drink their beer.

3. You can legally kill yourself

4. You're exactly like the Germans, except that nobody hates you.

5. You think you are a world power, but everyone else thinks Copenhagen is your capital.....

6. You get to insult people and defend yourself by saying it's a national tradition.

7. You can put your finger in a dyke and it will save your country

8. You live in the most densely populated country in Europe, and still you've never seen your neighbours.

9. If the economy is bad, blame the Germans. If a war is started, blame the Germans. If you lose your keys, blame the Germans.

10. Bikes are public property. Locks are a challenge.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 07:22 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 151 words, total size 1 kb.

Everyone hates a show-off...My Nephew sent me this, and yes, as with all males I might have felt a very slight touch of envy...If I were prone to such....

It's adult, so I put it beneath the fold. more...

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 11:43 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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From Wingless Angel, comes this gem:

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday.

She spends $5,000 and feels pretty good about the results.

On her way home she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper.

Before leaving she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking,
but how old do you think I am?"

"About 32," is the reply.

"Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl
the very same question. The girl replies, "I guess about 29."

The woman replies, "Nope I'm 50."

Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug
store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to
get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question. The
clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30."

Again she proudly responds, "I am 50, but thank you."

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting
next to her the same question. He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my
eye sight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure
way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it
requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and
only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are."

They wait in silence on the empty street until curiosity gets the
best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead."

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel
around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each
breast...He gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay,
okay...How old am I?" He completes one last squeeze of her breasts,
removes his hands, and says. " Madam, you are 50."

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you
tell?'

The old man replies, "promise you won't get mad?"

"I promise I won't." she says.

He replies, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's".

-------------------------------------------------------------

Love it when readers contribute to the mix!

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 01:42 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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While perusing the posts at His Most Viciousness, Emperor Darth Misha 1, I realized in reading the comments that one of the Loyal Citizens of the Empire had managed to abscond with some notes from the DNC BashBush Spin Council™. (if Sandy Berger can do it so can we!)

I thought that they deserved to be broadcast to a wider audience, so I stole borowed them to put up here (beats writing my own satire, anyway ).

Take it away Rev. Mike!

CONFIDENTIAL
(LetÂ’s keep this just between us)

It is now just ten days since Katrina struck the Gulf coast. Untold thousands of the poor and downtrodden members of society died in this catastrophe while hundreds of thousands more languish in temporary shelters across this nation. But all ready something ugly and vile is threatening our ability to capitalize on this human tragedy.
Recently it has become apparent to me that certain rogue elements in the mainstream media, as well as cable news and Internet Bloggers are determined to derail our righteous efforts to destroy the Bush Administration by deliberately and recklessly reporting the facts.
I cannot stress this enough; we cannot, we must not, we will not allow the facts to get between us and what we know to our very core, is right.
Here is what I see as some of our biggest hurdles and some solutions:

1.Lt. General Honore. This charismatic and capable African-American must be discredited immediately! This Race-traitorÂ’s continued and fervent defense of the Federal response must not be allowed to continue. He must quickly and effectively be painted with the same brush we have used on Condaloser Rice and Collin (clever epithet not currently available) Powell. I recommend we put Al and Jesse on this ASAP.

2.We must, with all due haste, ratchet up our Rhetoric and disinformation machine. Remember, a half-truth in our favor is morally superior to the actual truth if it favors or enemies. Example: The USS Bataan, a Navy hospital ship, to this day sits off the coast of New Orleans with hundreds of empty hospital beds! It in no way helps our cause to mention that the reason for this is that as early as last Tuesday the Medical personnel were move into the city where they could do the most good.

3.A Total lie in our favor is also morally superior to a truth that benefits our enemies. Example: Randall Robinson posted an article in The Huffington Post in which he stated that it had been reported that “ black survivors had begun eating corpses to survive”. The ONLY thing Randal did wrong was to post this morally superior article a mere four days after the tragedy. Had he waited, he may not have had to retract it.

Which brings me to my final and most important point.

4.Race, race, race, race, race! This is our strongest and most easily defensible weapon. Remember, Racism never has to be proved, only alleged. Kudos to Kanye, Diddy, Jayzee, Al, Jesse, and all the rest. Now is not the time to rest on our laurels. As more and more facts come to light we need to fight back and hammer those racist bastards mercilessly. If the artificially maintained racial divide in this country is ever healed we are completely screwed as a movement.

Well thatÂ’s a start folks. Its time to roll up our sleeves and get to work. Obfuscation and misrepresentation are not easy tasks, but it beats having to actually be right, and they are our best weapon against the racist, warmongering, puppy killing, Nazi Right.

Peace

Now to all those good folks out there; compare the above with whats being broadcast on the public airwaves.......(How DID one of ours infiltrate the DNC?!?)

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 06:38 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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So there I was, just sitting around minding my own business, when along comes a mad scientist, looking for his next victim test subject.

He said something about studying the course of evolution...unfortunately, his pet managed to get caught in the reversal field with me, and the results do NOT make me happy at all, no sir.

Anyone know where I can find some banana flavored kibble?

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 05:51 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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H/T to Jack for today's joke:

A blonde secretary in Pennsylvania decides she want to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse, unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horses neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.

As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Frank, the Wal-Mart Greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 10:41 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Ace, of The Ace of Spades HQ has done it again. Be warned though, secure all liquid materials before you commence reading, moniters and keyboards don't come cheap these days.

Just a taste:

ROBERTS: I'm not sure that Return of the Jedi can be cited as an authoritative Constitutional text.

SCHUMER: Well, I'm sure the thousands of dead in New Orleans will be happy to hear that answer, Judge Roberts.

ROBERTS: If I can just explain--

SCHUMER: Time's up, Judge Roberts.

ROBERTS: But--

SCHUMER: Can it. I've got to do Paula Zahn in an hour and I can't waste any more time with a man who thinks our Founding Fathers wanted thousands of black people to die in horrible floods.

Would that I had Ace's satirical talent.....

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 06:52 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 129 words, total size 1 kb.

Ever wonder what the animals do in their off time at the zoo? Seems that one denizen has decided to practice for a career change:

Somehow, I doubt that Tiger Woods has anything to fear as of yet..

We've all heard the assertions from the German Greens that Bush was responsible for hurricane Katrina....Seems that the Green party is truly serious about their dedication to environmental and animal rights though, here's the newest member of their elite motorcycle guard for protection of Party dignitaries:

And speaking of environmentalism, Here is Japan's newest contribution to eco-friendly vehicles, the Cowasaki 2006. Gets 5 miles to the bale of hay!

On a sadder note, famed rock fan Harv Whatadork died last week...here's a list of his accomplishments:

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 04:04 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Norman and his blonde wife live in Calgary.

One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 centimeters of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."

Norman's wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer
says, "We are expecting 10 to 12 centimeters of snow today. You must park
your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get
through." Norman's wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio
announcer says "We are expecting 12 to 14 centimeters of snow today. You must park........... " then the electric power goes out.

Norman's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplow can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are
married to Blondes exhibit, Norman says, "Why don't you just leave it
in the garage this time?"

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 10:28 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 216 words, total size 1 kb.

Little Georgie watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground
& go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy & Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace.

Little Georgie found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as he ran home & started to tell his mother, "Mommy, I was at the playground & I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look & he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane........"

At this point Mommy cut him off & said, "Georgie, this is such an
interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time.
I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight!"

At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Georgie to tell his story.

Georgie started his story, "I was at the playground & I saw Daddy's
car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look & he was
giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then
Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane & Daddy started
doing the same thing that Mommy & Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy
was in the Army."

Moral: Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 10:15 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Want to see Parody Bloging at it's finest? Go to Blue Flypaper and prepare yourself for a wild ride into the pschye of the left; a true case of absurdity being exposed by being absurd.

I feel sorry for "True Blue", I can't IMAGINE the strain it must be to stay in character as well as she does. I mean writing the memes are easy, all you have to do is read/watch any MSM outlet and you'll know the meme du jour, but to maintain the fiction as convincingly as she does that these are her true thoughts and opinions as well is truly is truly the mark of an excellant fiction writer.

Sorry Blue, I just can't write anything mean about you, so I guess joining your "blacklist" is just a dream to be hoped for in some distant future.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 09:36 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 145 words, total size 1 kb.