Mwah-ha-ha! Cackle, cackle! Some people conduct their evil business in secret, but not you. You're proud of your dark and devious ways. You're so evil that when other people find out about it, they don't even bother to fight back – they cower in fear. That's convenient for you, because it's easy to convince all those scaredy-cats to do your bidding. Yay for minions! Now you can relax at home, clasping your hands together gleefully, while they do all your dirty work.

Zoiks! My secret is out....oh well; do my bidding, you miserable worms!

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 08:23 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 96 words, total size 1 kb.

Ole was walking home late at night, through the park,
And sees a woman in the shadows.

"Twenty dollars," she whispers.

Ole had never been with a hooker before, but decides,
What the heck, it's only twenty dollars.

So they hide in the bushes. They're going at it for a
minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them.

It's a police officer. "What's going on here,
people?" asks the officer.

"I'm making luff to my vife," Ole answers indignantly.

"Oh, I'm sorry." says the cop. "I didn't know."

"Vell," says Ole, "I din't neder, 'til you shined that
damn light in her face."

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 06:28 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 110 words, total size 1 kb.

THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED
IN A SAUNA.

SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM
AND THE BEEP STOPPED.

THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. "THAT WAS MY PAGER," SHE SAID.
I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM.

A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER
PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, "THAT WAS MY MOBILE
PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND."

THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW -TECH NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE
HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA
AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM.

SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END
THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER. THE OLDER WOMAN
FINALLY SAID.........WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT...I'M GETTING A FAX!!

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 06:27 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Three men were sitting together bragging about how
they had given their new wives duties.

The first man had married a woman from Iowa and had
told her that she was going to do dishes and house
cleaning. It took a couple days, but on the third
day he came home to a clean house and dishes washed
and put away.

The second man had married a woman from Mississippi.
He had given his wife orders that she was to do
all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. The first
day he didn't see any results, but the next day he
saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his
house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was
a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a girl from INDIANA . He
told her that her duties were to keep the house
cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed
and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said
the first day he didn't see anything, the second day
he didn't see anything, but by the third day some of
the swelling had gone down and he could see a little
out of his left eye, enough to fix himself a bite to
eat and load the dishwasher.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 06:25 PM | Comments (21) | Add Comment
Post contains 220 words, total size 1 kb.

Do you know what happened this week back in 1850, 158 years ago?

*California became a state.

*The State had no electricity.

*The State had no money.

*Almost everyone spoke Spanish.

*There were gunfights in the streets.

So basically, it was just like California today, except the women had real breasts and the men didn't hold hands.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 02:20 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Four football fans - a Cowboys fan, an Eagles fan, a COLTS fan
and a Patriots fan - are climbing a mountain and arguing about who
loves his team more.

The Cowboys fan insists he is the most loyal. 'This is for the
Cowboys!' he yells, and jumps off the side of the mountain.

Not to be outdone, the Eagles fan shouts, 'This is for the
Eagles!' and throws himself off the mountain.

The COLTS fan is next to profess his love for his team. He
yells, 'This is for everyone!' and pushes the Patriot fan off the
mountain.

GO COLTS!

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 06:26 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 107 words, total size 1 kb.

Got this one from my little Sis, and thought I'd pass it along:

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly Jesus was tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, Jesus said, "THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job."

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.
They moused.
They faxed.
They e-mailed.
They e-mailed with attachments.
They downloaded.
They did spreadsheets!
They wrote reports.
They created labels and cards.
They created charts and graphs.
They did some genealogy reports
They did every job known to man.
Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than ever.
Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off..

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.

Jesus just sighed.

Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming: "It's gone! It's all GONE! "I lost everything when the power went out!"
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work.
Satan observed this and became irate.
"Wait!" he screamed. "That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?"
God just shrugged and said,

"JESUS SAVES"

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 10:23 PM | Comments (29) | Add Comment
Post contains 276 words, total size 2 kb.

Jib-Jab encapsulates the year 2007 in their own indomnitable style:

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 05:16 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Just got this from my pal Catfish, and it pretty much sums up the way I feel about the current political races:

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 04:37 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 28 words, total size 1 kb.