To Catfish

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 04:29 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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This little animal is called the Naked Mole-Rat and is from Africa .

So if you are having a bad day and feeling sorry for yourself, remember:You could look like a dick with buck teeth!

to Catfish

!

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 11:41 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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A grasshopper walks into a bar

The bartender looks at him and says: "did you know that we have a drink named after you?"

The grasshopper replies: "what, you have a drink named Steve?!?"

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Two men are walking down the street when they observe a dog in the middle of the road licking his balls. One man says to the other:" I wish I could do that !", to which the second man replied: "maybe you should pet him first!".

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A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense." So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."

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A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. "The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."

#*#**#*#*#**#*#**#*#**#*#**#*#***#**#*#*#*#**#*#**#**##*#*

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 03:23 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny.
"None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is four, but I like your thinking." Then Little Johnny says, "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on... but I like your thinking."

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 06:02 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization" , an Ivy League
slacker student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"

Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"

Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can
give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go.
If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the
exam. "

Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"

Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and
neither logical, nor legal?"

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the
student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as
agreed.

Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same
question.

The smart student immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and
married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife
has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you
have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed,
is neither legal, nor logical."

H/T to Catfish

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 03:51 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Two deaf people get married and during the first week of marriage they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom with the lights out since they can't see each other signing, or read lips.

After several nights of fumbling around and many misunderstandings, the wife figures out a solution.

She writes:

'Honey, why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at
night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time.

If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast two times.'

The husband thinks this is a great idea. He writes back to his wife if she wants to have sex with him, reach over and pull on his penis one time.

If she doesn't want to have sex, pull on his penis two hundred and fifty times.

H/T to Catfish

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 02:26 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me and
my brother who is four years older than I am. I was maybe 1 and a
half years old and had just recovered from an accident in
which my arm had been broken among other injuries.

Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift
and it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living
room engrossed in the evening news and my brother was
playing nearby in the living room when I brought Daddy a
little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups
of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came
home. My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch
me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest
thing!!'

My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the
hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink
it up, then says, 'Did it ever occur to you that the only place
that baby can reach to get water is the toilet??'

H/T to my B-i-L Wayne

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 02:12 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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1 Yes, I do think your opinion is righteous. (So do lots of people). Luckily majority of people are intelligent .

Posted by: MYip at April 06, 2008 02:43 PM (mxzhq)

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