You Are Bart Simpson

Very misunderstood, most people just dismiss you as "trouble." Little do they know that you're wise and well accomplished beyond your years. You will be remembered for: starring in your own TV show and saving the town from a comet Your life philosophy: "I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!"

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 05:09 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 80 words, total size 1 kb.

As we all get older, I'm sure that you would like to stay
"alive 'n sharp" for as long as possible. The harsh reality is however,
that none of us live forever, and one of these days each one of us is
likely to finally lose our smarts. If you're like most, you'll want to
know when that happens, so that you don't embarrass either yourself or your
loved ones. So I'm convinced that each of us should take a good hard look
at ourselves from time to time.

During a visit to a hospital for the mentally infirm, a visitor asked
the Director what the criterion was that defined whether or not a
patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub and then we offer a
teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to
empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the
bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No," said the Director, "a normal person would pull the plug.
Do you want a bed by the wall or near the window?"

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 02:10 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 201 words, total size 1 kb.

Still don't feel up to doing the research for a dercent post/rant, but I thought I'd pass along some jokes that Catfish e-mailed me.

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed
in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do
anything you want."

So he tied her up and went golfing .

******************************************************************

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.

First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.

The optician showed him a card with the letters:
'C Z W I X N&nb sp;O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the optician asked.

"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know that guy."
**************************************************************************************
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them,
"I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in
the convent."

"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of
chardonnay."

******************************************************************

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said,
"CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking
too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!
We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get
MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL! I
said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking!
Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your
mind? Don't forget to salt & pepper them. You know you always forget to salt
them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You
think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels
like when I'm driving."

******************************************************************
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was
drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic ;training, the Army
issued
him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.

On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That
afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.

On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been
looking for Herman for 51 years.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 09:19 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
Post contains 411 words, total size 2 kb.

Sitting together on a train, traveling through the Swiss Alps, are a French guy, an American guy, a n old Greek lady and a young blonde Swiss girl. The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the Frenchman has a bright red ha! nd print on his cheek. No one speaks.

The old lady thinks: The Frenchman must have groped the blonde in the dark, and she slapped his cheek.

The blonde thinks: That Frenchman must have tried to grope me in the d! ark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped his cheek.

The Frenchman thinks: The American must have groped the blonde in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.

The American thinks: I can't wait for another tunnel, so I can smack that Frenchman again.

to GuyK

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 03:22 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 166 words, total size 1 kb.

Want to know why I'm not posting? These two cartoons perfectly describe how I have been feeling the last couple days. I've had about 4 hrs sleep since Monday....every time I try to lay down, it feels like I've just ran a six minute mile. My lungs are just so congested I can't get a real breath...and I can't even get a decent cough going to clear them without it feeling like I'm tearing my rib cage out of my incision scar. I'm not complaining..HELL.....Yes I AM complaining.. again.. sheesh, I'm starting to sound like a broken record...a cranky, bitchy, whiny, pity party record.. I HATE that. But thats all I can seem to come up with lately, and since I don't want to subject you, my dear readers, to such self pitying tripe, I just won't post until I can do something worthy of your time and effort.

I couldn't take another twenty years of gasping for every breath like I have the last three days. I'd just as soon climb in the box and shut the lid if thats all I had to look forward to.

I just hope they give me the page for April to mark down the dates for the Austin Blog meet.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 11:57 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 210 words, total size 1 kb.