Now that the election is over I hear that Sarah Palin is going to show there is no animosity about losing the election.

She's invited both Obama and Biden on a Caribou hunting trip.

She's already lined up Dick Cheney to teach gun safety and
Ted Kennedy to drive them to their cabins after the pre-hunt party.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 05:38 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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The Parrot

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a
bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the
bird's' mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John
tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only
polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to
"clean up" the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot
yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and
even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird
and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and
screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not A Peep, was heard
for over a minute.

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to
the Freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms
And said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and
actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I
fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to
ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, when the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 05:19 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a young boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm.

He stopped and asked the boy, 'Where did you get that turkey?'

The boy replied, 'What turkey?'

The game warden said, 'That turkey you're carrying under your arm.'

The boy looks down and said, 'Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!'

The game warden said, 'Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so whatever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do to you.

If you break his leg, I'm gonna break your leg. If you break his wing, I'll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I'll do to you. So, what are you gonna do with him?'

The little boy said, 'I guess I'll just kiss his ass and let him go!'

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 03:15 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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A Mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up.

Then she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Mom' With the worst premonition she opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Mom:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...Mom she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. WeÂ’ ll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don't worry Mom. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love,
Your Son Paul

P.S. Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at Dustin's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer.

I love you.

Call me when it's safe to come home.

****************************************

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 09:53 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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No Hard Feelings...

The election day is over,
The talking is done.
My party lost,
Your party won.


So let us be friends,
Let arguments pass.
I'll hug my elephant,
You go kiss your ass.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 02:09 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 43 words, total size 1 kb.