It is with the saddest heart that I must pass on the following news. Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy "as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded". Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, h e was still a crusty old man and was considered a roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly dad, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

to Catfish

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 06:18 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no
lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse, unassisted,
and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady
and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm
grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but
she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along,
seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the
horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot
has become entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the
horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over
and over.

As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from
unconsciousness when to her great fortune . . .

Frank, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.

to Bob

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 06:14 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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This is out of date, but if the pundits are correct, it may come back as current in mid 08..

On a Saturday afternoon, in Washington, D. C., Senator John Kerry's campaign
manager visited the Cardinal of the Catholic cathedral. He told the Cardinal
that John Kerry would be attending the next day's sermon, and he asked if
the Cardinal would kindly point out Kerry to the congregation and say a few
words that would include calling Kerry a saint.

The Cardinal replied, "No, I don't really like the man, and there are issues
of conflict with the Catholic Church over certain of Kerry's views."

Kerry's manager then said, "Look, I'll write a check here and now for a
donation of $100,000 to your church if you'll just tell the congregation you

see Kerry as a saint"

The Cardinal thought about it and said, "Well, the church can use the money,
so I'll work your request into tomorrow's sermon."

As Kerry's manager promised, Senator Kerry appeared for the Sunday sermon
and seated himself prominently at the edge of the main aisle. And, during
the sermon, as promised, the Cardinal pointed out that Senator Kerry was
present.

Then the Cardinal went on to explain to the congregation, "While Senator
Kerry's presence is probably an honor to some, he is not my favorite person.
Some of his views are contrary to those of the church, and he tends to
flip-flop on many other views. John Kerry is a petty, self absorbed
hypocrite and a nit-wit. John Kerry is a liar, a cheat, and a thief. John
Kerry is the worst example of a Catholic I've ever personally witnessed. He
turned on his buddies in Viet Nam. He wrote a book and portrayed himself in
the best light when he was a traitor to his fellow servicemen. He has lied
about his military record and had the gall to put himself in for a medal. He
married for money and is using it to lie to the American people. He also has
a reputation for shirking his senatorial obligations both here, in
Washington and in Massachusetts. He simply isn't to be trusted."

The Cardinal completed his view of Kerry with, "But, when compared to
Senator Ted Kennedy, Senator Kerry is a saint."

H/T to Catfish

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 02:36 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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1 ROFLMAO!!! I'm gonna have to steal, uh, borrow this and send it to my priest.

Posted by: LC Steve at June 22, 2006 01:10 PM (lnw9Y)

2 Hope he enjoys it, steve!

Posted by: Delftsman3 at June 22, 2006 03:49 PM (iyh4S)

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Nick blogged these from His Front Porch, and they were so good, I just HAD to steal borrow them:

* If you can't feed 'em, don't breed 'em!
* If you're gonna burn our flag, wrap yourself in it first!
* You can't get on your feet till you get off your ass!
* I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!
* If money is the root of all evil, why do churches beg for it?
* I tried seeing your point of view, but I couldn't get my head
that far up my ass!
* Are you drunk, or just on your cellphone?
* I'm not going slow, the clown in front of me is!
* Work harder, millions on welfare depend on it!
* Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you're an asshole!
* I'd smack you, but SHIT splatters!
* Can you hear my middle finger over your blaring speakers?

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 12:13 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Ever wondered what Paradise was really like for those Jihadis that consider martyrdom the highest path to that end goal?

Seems that The Z-man got a cross-plane pass at the Paradise Internet Cafe and sent some of his first impressions to IowaHawk.

Go, read it if you dare, but be advised, your taking our own rish with moniter and keyboard if you don't put the liquids away first!

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 06:37 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Sorry, but I have

a little problem!

It is going to take me

a little longer to answer

my E-mails now.

Acidman is right,cats are the bane of existance!

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 02:43 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 33 words, total size 1 kb.

Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Home Depot when they collide.

The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?

The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with long blond hair, blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts. What does your wife look like?"

The old guy says,

"Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."

H/T to Catfish

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 05:51 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 138 words, total size 1 kb.

1 That's pretty good. Mine is better though, she is 23, long legs, big boobs Anyway, I have been emailing you like made forever now, are you not using your gmail anymore? I have tried to call your cell, Mama's cell, and the house??? You will have to email me! SlagleRock Out!

Posted by: SlagleRock at June 07, 2006 07:38 PM (h+Ffm)

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Well today is that day that occurs only once every century, the dreaded 6-6-6. There are a lot of nuts out there trying to lend special significance to this day because of that number being the "mark of the Beast" in Revelations.

I think it sounds cool (just say 6-6-06 fast three times!), but other than that it's just another day.

Just to be on the safe side, I keep one of these around to fend off any intruding demons:

wait I hear someone at the door, BRB folks!
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Hello? AAAAAARRRRRGGGHHH!!!!!!>