December 13, 2007

Changes in the Catholic Church

I KNEW IT, I KNEW IT! I JUST KNEW THIS WAS COMING

AS THE NEW GERMAN POPE MAKES A FEW CHANGES.....

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Estate Planning

Dan found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, so he decided he
needed a woman to enjoy it with. One evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted
the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a few
years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars.

"Impressed, the woman went home with him and, three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at estate planning than men !!!

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Another illness to watch out for...

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A woman calls her boss one morning and tells

him that she is staying home because she is not

feeling well.


'What's the matter?' he asks.


'I have a case of anal glaucoma,' she says in a

weak voice.


'What the hell is anal glaucoma?'

'I can't see my ass coming into work today.

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December 07, 2007

Bored, Tubby, Mild....

Hey all me fellow Boomers out there, this will bring a smile to your face....

Thanks for the reminder Sis...

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December 01, 2007

Just a little test....

I've seen this a number of times before...heck, I've probably already posted it before, but the classics NEVER go out of style.


Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Southerner?
Here is a little test that will help you determine.

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small
children. Suddenly an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes
around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah,
raises the knife and charges at you.

You are carrying a 40 caliber Glock and you are an expert shot. You
have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you
do?

---------------------------------------------

Think carefully, determine what you would do and then scroll
down to compare your answer against the test standards.







Democrat's Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor or oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could we run away?

What does my wife think?

What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of
his hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Glock have an appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does
this send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to
wound me?

If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away
while he was stabbing me?

Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted?

We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day, and make this a
happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for
few days and try to come to a consensus.

---------------------------------------------

Republican's Answer:

BANG!


----------------------------------------------


Southerner's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

BANG! Click..... (Sounds of reloading)

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

BANG! Click

Daughter: 'Nice grouping Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver
Tips or Hollow Points?'

Son: "Can I shoot the next one!"

Wife: "You're not takin' that to the Taxidermist


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(hint: In MY world I wouldn't CARE what the wife said, it's MY trophy dammit, and I'll do what I wish with it!)

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