A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and
asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between two
missing teeth, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep
widdle wabbits?"

As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his
knees so that he's on her level and asks, "Do you
want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy
bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle
bwown wabbit over there?"

She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her
hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a
tiny quiet voice, "I don't think my python weally
gives a thit."

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 07:36 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 110 words, total size 1 kb.

This might be slightly racist, and homophobic, but most of all FUNNY. I don't write em, I just pass em along.

A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees
this HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little
guy staring at him, looks down and says: "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch
private, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."

The white man faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down
and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says, "What's wrong with
you?"

In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?" The
big dude says, "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the
answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall, I
weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my left testicle weighs 3
pounds, my right testicle weighs 3 pounds, and my name is Turner Brown."

The small guy says, "Turner Brown? ... Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, "Turn
Around"

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 07:33 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 196 words, total size 1 kb.

Reader Jack sent me this today in e-mail....I'd seen it before,but because of certain circumstance arising, I thought it aprapo' to post it for someone to see..

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.)

We always hear"the rules"from the female point of view...

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!

Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men ARE NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.

We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.

Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!

Strong hints do not work!

Obvious hints do not work!

Just SAY it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do.

Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both.

If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
(well most of the time anyway)

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.

Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," ! We will act like nothing's wrong.

We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf. (or in my case, guns, ammo, tools, and golf)

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes. (5 pairs of black flats?!?!)

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Readers:
Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them an even bigger laugh!

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 05:22 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 619 words, total size 3 kb.

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
- Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
- George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.
- Mark Twain

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.
- Jilly Cooper

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
- Alex Levine

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
- Mark Twain

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
- Ed Furgol

Money can't buy you happiness... but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
- Spike Milligan

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
- Henny Youngman

I am opposed to millionaires... but it would be dangerous! to offer me the position.
- Mark Twain

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was shut up.
- Joe Namath

Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.
- Herbert Henry Asquith

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
- Bob Hope

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
- WC. Fields

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way
through Congress.
- Will Rogers

Don't worry about avoiding temptation... as you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty... but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
- Phyllis Diller

The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good spit it out.
- Unknown (boy, do I KNOW about that one! *grin*)

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 08:54 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 483 words, total size 3 kb.

I don't agree with whom they find at fault for outrageous gasoline prices, but the humor, and the plaint, still holds true.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 07:17 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 24 words, total size 1 kb.

Cops say the darndest things! The following were taken off of actual
police car videos around the country. (I can't vouch for that, but as a former LEO, I can say that they sound realistic to me -D-)

"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch
out after you wear them awhile."

"Take your hands off the car, or I'll make your birth certificate a
worthless document."

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't
know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."

"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can
write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it
will help. Oh.... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that
again or I'll give you another ticket."

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are
drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go
to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."

"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster
oven."

"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

"Just how big were those two beers?"

"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now
we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of
yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

And the best one...

"You didn't think we gave pretty women tickets? You're right, we
don't." "Sign here."

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 05:56 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 333 words, total size 2 kb.

This is purported to be an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen
submitted to Wal-Mart in Arkansas. Even if it's just a hoax, the humor certainly remains...

NAME: George Martin

SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman, (or at least,
one who'll cooperate).

DESIRED POSITION: Company President or Vice President. But seriously,
whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't
be applying here in the first place?

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael
Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we
can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and
post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a
more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM
LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would
be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no, on my breaks - yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas
with a fabulously wealthy dumb, sexy, blonde, supermodel who thinks
I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing
that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF
YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 05:46 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 322 words, total size 2 kb.

A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally
got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price
tag.

Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and
boomed out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN,
TAMPAX SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of
the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS."

In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU
WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU
POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The train was quite crowded, so the U.S. Marine walked the entire
length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well
dressed, middle aged French woman's poodle. The war weary Marine
asked, " Ma'am may I have that seat? "

The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular,
"Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat. "

The marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was
under that dog. " Please, ma'am may I sit down? I am very tired."

She snorted, " Not only are you Americans rude, you are also
arrogant. "

This time the Marine didn't say a word, he just picked up the little
dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.

The woman shrieked, " Someone must defend my honor. Put this
American in his place. "

An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, "Sir, you Americans
often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork
in the wrong hand, you drive your autos on the wrong side of the road,
and now, sir, you have thrown the wrong bitch out the window."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We all know how tenacious Pitbulls are when they are on the attack.
They don't know how or when to give up.

I think this one should have given up earlier! I think there must
be a bald porcupine somewhere!

So keep in mind sometimes it is better to give up earlier. Don't
lose your head!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two men dressed in pilot's uniforms walk up the aisle of the airplane.
Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is
tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.

Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the
cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers
begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is
just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.

The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and the people
sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the
water at the edge of the airport territory. As it begins to look as
though the plane will plough into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin.

At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers
relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their
magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands

In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says,
"You know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and we're
all gonna die."

***************************************************************
Have a GREAT weekend, and remember to let a little FUN in your life!

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 11:11 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 586 words, total size 4 kb.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 10:32 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 6 words, total size 1 kb.

Take the Star Trek Quiz

And a better test:

the Ham (47% dark, 57% spontaneous, 26% vulgar)

your humor style: CLEAN | SPONTANEOUS | LIGHT Your style's goofy, innocent and feel-good. Perfect for parties and for the dads who chaperone them. You can actually get away with corny jokes, and I bet your sense of humor is a guilty pleasure for your friends. People of your type are often the most approachable and popular people in their circle. Your simple & silly good-naturedness is immediately recognizable, and it sets you apart in this sarcastic world. PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Will Ferrell - Will Smith

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 10:36 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 156 words, total size 4 kb.

Three bulls are in the pasture complaining. They've heard a rumor that
the farmer is bringing in a new bull, and they aren't happy about sharing
any of their cows.

The Alpha bull says, "You know, since we settled our differences and
split up the cows, I've been pretty happy with MY 120 cows. I am not about to
share any of MY cows with this new bull."

The second toughest bull says, "Yeah, well I ended up with only
60 cows, so I can't afford to share any of MY cows."

The youngest bull says, "I may only be half as big as you guys, but I'm
still a teenager. I'm already climbing the walls with just 20 cows."

Suddenly a huge, black tractor trailer pulls into the yard. The entire
trailer contains just one animal - the biggest, baddest bull you ever
saw.

He weighs 3,000 pounds and has horns four feet long. As the new bull
strolls down the gangplank, the two-inch thick metal plates actually sag under
his weight.

Suddenly the former Alpha bull is a bit more flexible, "Well, maybe I
could spare a FEW cows."

The second toughest bull says, "Maybe if I hide in the corner of the
pasture he'll leave me alone."

But the small, teenage bull is snorting, pawing the ground and shaking
his fledgling horns in an extremely confrontational way.

Worried about the reckless youngster, the two older bulls trot over to
the young bull and say, "Listen, son. It's not worth dying for. Just give
the new bull your 20 cows."

"He can HAVE my 20 cows," replies the young bull, snorting and pawing
the ground again.

"I'm just making sure he knows I'm a BULL!"

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 05:25 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 297 words, total size 2 kb.

Many of us (those over 50, WAY over 50 or hovering
near 60 or 70) are quite confused about how we should
present ourselves.

We're unsure about the kind of image we are
projecting and whether or not we are correct
as we try to conform to current fashions.

Despite what you may have seen on the streets,
the following combinations DO NOT go
together and should be avoided:

1. A nose ring and bifocals

2. Spiked hair and bald spots

3. A pierced tongue and dentures

4. Miniskirts and support hose

5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads

6. Speedo's and cellulite

7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder
surgery scar

8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart
monitor

9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge

10. Bikinis and liver spots

11. Short shorts and varicose veins

12. In-line skates and a walker


And last, but not least . . . . .

13. Thongs and Depends

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 05:13 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 165 words, total size 1 kb.

Courtesy of Strange Cosmos, Job Descriptions in the Real World:

A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in
a way you don't understand.

A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells
you the time.

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining
and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. (Mark Twain)

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he
predicted yesterday didn't happen today.

A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the
personality to be an accountant.

An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that
decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.
(Laurence J. Peter)

A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat
which isn't there.
(Charles R. Darwin)

A topologist is a man who doesn't know the difference between a coffee
cup and a doughnut.

A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a
"brief."

A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl
enters the room.

A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.

A schoolteacher is a disillusioned woman who used to think she liked
children.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that
you will look forward to the trip.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 05:54 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 257 words, total size 1 kb.

One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he
asked about his bill and the barber replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept
money from you; I'm doing community service this week."

The florist is pleased and leaves the shop.

Next morning when the barber goes to open there is a thank you card and
a dozen roses waiting for him at his door

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill
the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm
doing community service this week."

The cop is happy and leaves the shop.

Next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a thank you card
and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Later a Republican comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his
bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from
you; I'm doing community service this week."

The Republican is very happy and leaves the shop.

Next morning when the barber goes to open, there is a thank you card
and a dozen different books such as "How to improve your business" and
"Becoming more successful".

Then a Democrat comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his
bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you;
I'm doing community service this week."

The Democrat is very happy and leaves the shop.

Next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen
Democrats lined up waiting for a free haircut.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 05:49 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 277 words, total size 1 kb.

A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks.

He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so
she could zip through traffic around town.

He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but
everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

"Look!" she said. I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4
seconds or less.

"And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me."

For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
Services will be at Downing funeral home on Monday; Due to the
condition of the body, this will be a closed casket service.
Please send your donations to the 'Think before you say things to your wife foundation', Dallas,Texas.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 09:05 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 157 words, total size 1 kb.

Here's some ideas for Commemorative Quarters IF they were going with "truth in advertising"

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 03:43 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 22 words, total size 1 kb.

Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.

MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.

JACK AND JILL Went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.

SIMPLE SIMON met a Pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pie man,
"What have you got there?"
Said the Pie man unto Simon,
"Pies, you dumb #$%!"

HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.

HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.

GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.

There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad........
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 03:28 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 232 words, total size 1 kb.

Remember -- A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...BUT a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!"

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 03:17 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 34 words, total size 1 kb.

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot
sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet
or legs. The guy says aloud, "Geesh, I wonder what
happened to this Parrot?"

The parrot responds, "I was born this way. I'm a
defective parrot."

"Holy crap," the guy says. "You actually understood
and answered me!"

"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be
a highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird."

"Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this; how do
you hang onto your perch without any feet?"

The parrot responds, "Well, this is very
embarrassing, but since you asked, I wrap my weenie
around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't
see it because of my feathers."

"Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and
speak English can't you?"

"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I
can converse with reasonable competence on almost
any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics,
philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You
really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."

The guy looks at the $200 price tag. "Sorry, but I
just can't afford that."

"Pssst", said the parrot, "truth is, nobody wants me
cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me
for $20, just make the guy an offer!" The guy offers
$20 and walks out with the parrot.

Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a
great sense of humor. He's interesting. He's a great
pal. He understands everything. He sympathizes. He's
insightful. The guy is delighted.

One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot
goes, "psssssssssssst," and motions him over with
one wing. I don't know if I should tell you this or
not, but it's about your wife and the postman."

"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.

"When the postman delivered the mail today, your
wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black
nightie and kissed him passionately."

"WHAT???" The guy asks incredulously. "THEN what
happened?"

"Well, then the postman came into the house and put
his hands under her nightie and began petting her
all over," reported the parrot.

"Oh No!," he exclaims. "Then what?"

"Then he lifted up the nightie, began to kiss her
all over, starting with her breasts and slowly...."

"WELL," demands the frantic guy, "THEN WHAT
HAPPENED?"

"Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my
perch."

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 10:33 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 415 words, total size 2 kb.

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans. Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"

The guy replies, "I'm Peter Pilot, retired American Airlines Pilot from Dallas."

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the pilot, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom."

The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff. Next it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's in Pasadena for the last 43 years."

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom."

"Just a minute," says the minister. "that man was a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff, and I get only cotton and wood? How can this be?"

"Up here - - we work by results," says Saint Peter, "while you preached - - people slept; while he flew - -- people prayed."

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 02:48 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 212 words, total size 1 kb.