Andrew Klavan has a great little three minute treatise on How to have Sex...funny stuff.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 08:30 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office.

The man said to the dentist, 'Doc, I'm in one heck of a
hurry. I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go
play golf, so forget about the anaesthetic, just pull the tooth, and
be done with it. We have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in
town and it's 9:30 already. I don't have time to wait for the
anesthetic to work!'

The dentist thought to himself, 'My goodness, this is
surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using
anything to kill the pain.'

So the dentist asks him, 'which tooth is it sir?

The man turned to his wife and said, 'Open your mouth
honey and show him.....'

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 08:16 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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John was in the fertilized egg business.

He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets,'
and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.

Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance,which rooster was performing.

Now, he could sit on the porch
and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

John's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen,
but this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!

When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, could run for cover.

To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.

He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair
and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize,
but they also awarded him the Pullets surprise as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making.

Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

Vote carefully next year, the bells are not always audible.

H/T Catfish

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 09:50 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I'm sick and tired of dancing to the Muslim tune;wasting the lives of our best and brightest, not to mention the drag on our economy. We have the technology, let's USE IT

H/T the Peoples Cube

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 09:44 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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No Nativity in Washington , D.C. this year!

There will be no Nativity Scene in Washington this year!
The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity
Scene in the United States ' Capital this Christmas season.
This isn't for any religious reason. They simply have not been
able to find Three Wise Men in the Nation's Capitol. A search
for a Virgin continues. There was no problem, however, finding
enough asses to fill the stable.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 04:46 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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The train was quite crowded, and a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat. There seemed to be one next to a well-dressed middle-aged French woman, but when he got there he saw it was taken by the woman's poodle.

The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?"

The French woman sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude.. My little Fifi is using that seat."

The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat available was under that dog. "Please, Ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired."

She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!"

This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window and sat down.

The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honor! Put this American in his place!"

An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up. "Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window.."

H/T to Jack Keel

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 03:52 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Posted by: Delftsman3 at 03:37 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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My friend Catfish sent me an mp3 of a new tune his son recorded call "Halcyon Bluff". Hope y'all like it as much as I do.
(When you hit the link, open the file in Windows Media Player)

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 03:28 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Adam and Eve said, 'Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.'

And God said, I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves.'

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.
And it was a good animal
And God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail

And Adam said, 'Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.'

And God said, 'I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you,

his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG.'

And they were comforted

And God was pleased.

And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, 'Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.'

And God said, I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration.'

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.

And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.

And Adam and Eve learned humility.

And they were greatly improved.

And God was pleased . . . . .

And Dog was happy. . . .

And Cat didn't give a shit one way or the other....

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 03:07 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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One of my Web buddies, Jack Keel, sent me this afternoon. The dig on Obama is just for fun, but the five sentences below the picture SHOULD be repeated every day in every classroom in America, right along side the Pledge of Allegiance.

These are possibly the 5 best sentences you'll ever read. This is one paragraph that should be in every book in every school room in every city in every state in our great Union ... Our educators should make a lesson plan on this one statement and instill these words in the minds of all students.

1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity.

2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.

3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.

4. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friend, is the beginning of the end of any nation..

5. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 05:06 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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From the un-FRICKINbelievable file comes this story from the Loony Left coast...seems an apt manager has told all the residents of the complex that they must take down any flag that they may be displaying, including Old Glory, or face eviction.

Seems that Management is afraid that "someone might be offended" by the display of any flag, whether it's the American flag, a military branch flag, or even just a sports team; and the ban extends even to those flags or even decals of flags displayed on vehicles.

The person Leftist PC/Multiculturist Whiner responsible for making the decision refuses to make any comments on the matter to the press.

I don't know about you, but anyone telling me I have to remove the American and PGR flags proudly waving from the back of my motorcycle would best watch out lest they get run over by said motorcycle when I ride off ignoring their BullCrap.

Here are some of my fellow PGR riders...I would dare that PC Whining piece of crap masquerading as a human being tell us as a group to remove our flags from our bikes. In fact, I think it might be apropos for any PGR unit in the area to hold a military memorial service in front of the Oaks Apartment rental office in Albany, Oregon.

The sensory overload of that much patriotism in open view would surely cause severe apoplexy in said PCWPOC, and, for the record,I personally think that would be a GOOD thing.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 10:31 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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No, I don't have ODS...I just think these are funny! Whats good for the goose and all that...

A:What's the main problem with Barack Obama jokes?
A: His followers don't think they're funny and everyone else doesn't think they're jokes.

Q: Why does Barack Obama oppose the Second Amendment?
A: It stands between him and the First.

Q: What's the difference between Rahm Emanuel and a carp?
A: One is a scum sucking bottom feeder and the other is a fish.

Q: What's the difference between Greta Van Susteren and Barack Obama?
A: Greta only talks out of one side of her mouth.

Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A: A fund raiser.

Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?
A: One's full of tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society. The other is for prisoners.

Q: What's the difference between a large pizza and the typical Obama backer?
A: The pizza can feed a family of four.

Q: What's the difference between Simba and Obama?
A: Simba is an African lion while Obama is a lyin' African.

Q: If Pelosi and Obama were in a boat and it started to sink, who would be saved?
A: America!!

Q: What do you call the US after four years of Obama and the Liberal congress?
A: An Obama-nation.

Q: What's the difference between Obama and Hitler?
A: Hitler wrote his own book.

Q: What's another difference between Obama and Hitler?
A: Hitler got the Olympics to come to his country.

Q: Why doesn't Obama pray?
A: It's impossible to read the teleprompter with your eyes closed.

- Barack Obama: He has what it takes, to take what you've got!

- Barack Obama's campaign slogan, "Yes we can" has become, "Yes you will!"

- No one wants to see GM's new convertible, the Pelosi, with its top down!

- The liberals have asked us to give Obama time. 25 to life seems appropriate

- Obama doesn't want terrorists tortured. He wants to torture American taxpayers instead.

New Barack Channel (NBC)
Another Barack Channel (ABC)
My Seriously New Barack Channel (MSNBC)

A woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job. The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this; "Have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?"

"Well, as a matter of fact, I have!" she replied. "I've been divorced three times, owned 2 Plymouths, and I voted for Obama."

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 09:00 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, Iraq, Afghanistan, global warming, my savings, Social Security, my credit card debt.....

I called Lifeline.

Got a freakin' Call Center in Pakistan.

Told them I was suicidal . . .

They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.....

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 07:22 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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In honor of the winner of the Nobel Peace Prize ....

H/T to Rurik

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 07:53 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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"Truth does not become more true by virtue of the fact that the entire world agrees with it, nor less so even if the whole world disagrees with it." --Maimonides (1135-1204)

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 04:36 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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In a representational Republic such as the United States was founded to be, it is imperative that the general population has at least some idea what their Representatives are proposing in the legislature.

Bringing 1000+ page bills up for a vote before even the representatives, much less their constituents, have a chance to study them should never be the order of the day.

Yet, Congress is fighting even the least opportunity to give those affected by upcoming legislation to even have a chance to read the proposals before they may be enacted into law.

Reps. Brian Baird, D-Wash., and Greg Walden, R-Ore., are circulating a petition among House lawmakers that would force all pending legislation be posted on the internet at least 72-hours before a vote on the legislation could take place.
I believe that this should be the bare minimum.

We are SUPPOSED to be a participatory form of government, but such participation is impossible if the contents of proposed legislation is unavailable prior to a vote; thus giving over great power to those in positions of leadership in both the House and the Senate.

This is not a political Party issue, at least it shouldn't be, unless those in the current majority Party don't want input from the minority Party or their constituents.... if that is the case, then I fear that we have taken one long step away from being a Republic and heading towards a tyrannical form of government our Founders would certainly not recognize.

Resident Obama ran on the statement that his would be "the most open Administration ever", it's time for him to back that statement up with action.
72 hours of reflection is not too much to ask when it is the life of every being in this country that will be affected.

It behooves all Patriots to take heed of what is going on, for the day may be coming sooner that we would like to believe to have to use the reset button of the Second. Amendment.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 04:33 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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One of the mantras continually coming from the Left side of the aisle about how EVIL the Big Health Insurers are is how they continually refuse to pay for procedures of their claimants to maximize their profits...

Two things to remember:

1) The HIGHEST net profit made by ANY Insurance company in 2007 was 3%...name any other business that operates on that low a profit margin. (most grocery stores operate on at least a 4-5% margin, if they want to stay in business)
The MSM and the Leftists trying to take control of our health care system always report the profit made by a particular company, but unless that figure is expressed as NET PROFIT MARGIN (ie, that profit that is left after total expenses,expressed as a percentage of funds risked) that figure can highly misleading. Saying company X "made $3Billion in profits" means nothing unless you also consider how much company X RISKED in that same time span to earn that profit. Remember that Government does not EARN one red penny itself, it can only tax YOU to get revenue to spend; and if it falls short of it's needed operating capital (UNLIKE an Insurance company, which would be forced out of business BY LAW if it's on hand assets fall below a mandated level), it simply raises the taxes you are required to turn over for it's use.

2) Just WHICH insurance entity carrier refused payment for treatment the greatest amount? According to the AMA, in 2008 it was Medicare...by a margin of almost DOUBLE (1.7%) of ALL other major Insurance entities COMBINED:

So the next time you hear about a politician pontificate about a "heartless Insurance Company", remember that to be TRULY "heartless"; you need the power of Government to REALLY achieve it.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 04:42 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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My take on the whole controversy can be summed up in the following quote:

"No commander in uniform should ask his soldiers to die for a strategy he doesn't think is winnable -- or for a President who lets his advisers and party blame a general for their own lack of political nerve." --The Wall Street Journal

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 11:57 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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"An egotist is a person of low taste — more interested in himself than in me." — Ambrose Bierce, American author-journalist (1842-1914?).

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 09:43 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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On this date:

In 1777, the second Battle of Saratoga began during the American Revolution. (British forces under Gen. John Burgoyne surrendered 10 days later.)

In 1949, the Republic of East Germany was formed.

In 1985, Palestinian gunmen hijacked the Italian cruise ship Achille Lauro in the Mediterranean. (The hijackers, who killed an elderly Jewish American tourist, Leon Klinghoffer, surrendered two days after taking over the ship.) And no, we STILL aren't at war with Islamic Fundamentalists...

In 2004, Two bombs exploded at a gathering of Sunni Muslim radicals in Multan, Pakistan, killing some three dozen people. And still no war against I F...
Starting to see a pattern here..

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 09:43 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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