Good : Your wife is pregnant.
Bad : It's triplets.
Ugly : You had a vasectomy five years ago.

Good : Your wife's not talking to you
Bad : She wants a divorce.
Ugly : She's a lawyer.

Good : Your son is finally maturing.
Bad : He's involved with the women next door.
Ugly : So are you.

Good : Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad : You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly : You're in them.

Good : Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad : You can't find your birth control pills.
Ugly : Your daughter borrowed them.

Good : Your husband understands fashion.
Bad : He's a cross-dresser.
Ugly : He looks better than you.

Good : You give the "birds and bees" talk to your daughter.
Bad : She keeps interrupting.
Ugly : With corrections

Good : Your son is dating someone new.
Bad : It's another man.
Ugly : He's your best friend.

Good : Your daughter got a new job.
Bad : As a hooker.
Ugly : Your co-workers are her best clients.
Way ugly : She makes more money than you do.

H/T to Catfish

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 09:37 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the
front door.

"Hurry!" she said. "Stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all
over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I
tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."

"What's this honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh, its just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one
for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."

No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they
went to sleep.

Around 2 a.m., the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and
returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here," he said to the
statue, "Eat something. I stood at the Smith's for three days like an
idiot and nobody offered me so much as a glass of water."

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 03:44 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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JUST THINK, ELVIS WOULD BE 70 THIS MONTH.

If Elvis had lived longer, he possibly would have re-written, "Are You Lonesome Tonight,"

Here's how it might have turned out. Turn up speakers and sing along !

To Catfish

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 03:39 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 42 words, total size 1 kb.

Had my court date today....It came out better than I'd hoped, but still leaves me a problem.

Entered a plea agreement that left me with a $100 civil fine and $106 in court costs. That part is good. With another "compliance to the agreement" hearing set for Feb. 28.

The bad part is that it also puts me under a permament injunction not allowing me to "store inoperable vehicles and/or car parts on my property outside a permament structure" The problem lies in their definition of "inoperable vehicle". The inspector apparently had been around this morning, and believe it or not, the car that I have fixed up enough for short to the corner and back trips had a flat tire,(has a slow leak, and I haven't been here the last 4 days to keep it aired) and that made it an "inoperable vehicle"....the other car (which is actually the best running of the lot) he couldn't check out because my dog prevented him from entering past my (6') privacy fence.

THEIR definition of an "inoperable vehicle" is that you must be able to "legally drive it on the street without getting a ticket" HMMMmmm... as an exLeo I can tell you that there is NO vehicle being driven that can't be cited for SOMETHING, should you be willing to take the time to really inspect it with a fine tooth comb and have a good city ordinance reference book handy.

Now I wouldn't want to try to drive the Chrysler on the street in it's present condition, even though it would make it anywhere in the country mechanically, it's just not too smart with the left side bashed in and the rear lights messed up the way they are. It's going to take at least $2000 to get it back to full safe condition, and I won't have that untill such time as the SS Administration sees fit to release my back pay check. It sounds like I'm being overly possesive of what is, after all, just an old car....but I have a great affinity for this vehicle; it was the last car my ex father in law bought before his death; it's my last tie to a man that I truly loved and respected. That car took Mamamontezz and I to the Texas Blogfest in great comfort, safety and speed three days after I took possesion of it.

This leaves me in a quandry...I have too much stuff in the garage that I have no other place for to put it in there, and I tried to go the sell to the knacker route and the best offer I got was $25.; which he'll part out and get at least $1000 for the engine alone, which rankles my soul; and now, BECAUSE I was trying to become compliant and get a current plate, I can't even do that because I now have to wait for the new title to arrive before I can sell it.

So I have 28 days to fix the situation, or be found in contempt of court, but am caught in a set of interlocking catch-22's that will make it difficult to comply with the order.

Isn't city government wonderful? I'd like to know just HOW I'm causing any sort of hazard and/or eyesore by having a running yet not quite street legal car awaiting repair, parked on concrete in my back yard behind a 6' wooden privacy fence.

This is going to get interesting....bureoucracy vs a stubborn Dutchman trying to use his private property in a manner they don't like. I know I can't win fighting, but it seems that my options are limited as well. We'll just have to see how it turns out...

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 03:13 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 624 words, total size 3 kb.

An old man in Florida had owned a large farm for

several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed

up nice: picnic tables, horseshoe pits, a

volleyball court, and some apple and peach trees.

The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the

pond and look it over, as he hadn't been there for a while.

He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and

laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a

bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He

made the women aware of his presence and they all

went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him,

"We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies

swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked."

Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the

alligator."

Old men can still think fast.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 02:28 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Just got back home to the Citidal, had a great flight back, though we did hit a few patches of clear air turbulance that kept it interesting. Managed to find some good souveniers for the home crowd.

I'm really missing Florida...even though I know I really only experienced the best of the state.

The whole weekend was really a dream...great people, good booze in COPIUS amounts , good weather;and just a perfect all around experience .

I want to thank Neil and Dea again for putting up with me, as well as putting me up.; BTW, Neil, I left my cigarette case in your truck, any chance I can get you to send it to me, or do you want me to just wait for the next Florida Blogfest?

Stella White Chocolate, next year I think I'll bring my helmet, I still have a headache from that turtle! (NO it's NOT because BC, Dea, RadicalRedneck, and I finished the keg, dammit!) That quirt will be on the way soon....I pity the next fool that ticks you off after it's delivery! LOL

Staci, thanks for everything, I truly hope that we see each other again soon at other Rotty events. Dreams are wonderful things...

Now I know why she's called the "Lady" Heather because she IS one in every good connotation of the word. I sure hope she gets down to Texas this spring; she'll lend real class to our group of "diamonds in the rough".

GuyK....what can I say? He's the EPITOMY of "the Southern Gentleman"; hope I can be like him when I grow up! His Sweetthing reminded me of everyone's favorite Grandma, sweet as sugar, hard as steel, and with a dry wit that can cut like a knife, but done so sweetly, you thank her for the privilage of being in the line of fire, because it means she noticed you. I hope your back is feeling better today Ma'am.

Radical Redneck was probably the smartest person in the crowd, it was a real joy to hear him opine.

BC, I found a hat just like yours, so I'm glad I didn't rip yours off after all, next time we can be the hat twins *grin*. I was glad to finally put a face to the name of our beloved Imperial Torturor. Ladies, I'll let you in on a secret, he's not the perve you would think from his on-line personna, he's just; as Stella described him, a cuddly teddy bear....but then again thare WAS that incident with the chicken....and he was getting awfully chummy with the two basset hounds...so maybe we'd better watch our P's & Q's after all....I'll opine no more, lest I end up enduring a session in the Imperial Gameroom, he did tell me had a new shipment of MM and HT videos that he wanted to test out on some deserving unfortunate victims....

I need to unpack and do some laundry, so till next post, stay safe, have fun, and kill a Commie for Mommy.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 10:17 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 517 words, total size 3 kb.

Saturday of the blog fest...WHAT a party! Got to meet GuyK and his Sweetthing this afternoon, and it was a pure delight. I think he may be sorry for making that offer to come down to his place for a sea fishing trip...Now I've spent such quality time time here, I'm really jonesing for Florida, I'll take any excuse to come back.

The party started getting going around 7 PM, and it was the usual Rott Fest thing; copius mounts of alcohol, HOT women, political BS'ing, and this time, Neil V's band was providing the entertainment with hot licks and cool beats.

I was still sparring with the gorgeous Stella, and hoping I survived her aptitude in administering PAIN...She gave up early with the excuse of an 8 AM flight back to N.O....gonna miss that gal!

I'll have some more pics to post as soon as I get home Sunday night, with hopefully more to follow, if Stella remembers to send the to me.

BC was a real trip this evening, he was in an annual parade this afternoon, where it seems that the participants indulge ina NO style event of distributing beads and downing Jello shots throughout the parade route...He was already well ahead of us in the Adult Beverage Consumption department when he arrived at Castle Van Eerde, but we soon caught up to him .

Staci was leading the Florida Gang in live blogging the festivities to the rest of the Empire...with frequent breaks to display her own SPECTACULAR dancing talents, moving to the rythems of Neil's band....Glad I was too wasted to even attempt to try to match her, I would have made a complete fool of myself had I even tried. It was a pure sensious delight just to observe her moves on the sandy patch of ground fronting the band....let's just sayI'm gonna dream well again tonight and I sincerely hope she isn't telepathic!

Gona go back to some serious drinking and politcal bitching now...seems BC has pulled ahead of me again, and I have the Hoosier honor to uphold!

I may have a chance to post again before my flight leaves, but if not, I'll try to put SOMETHING up when I get back home to the Citidal.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 11:40 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 383 words, total size 2 kb.

Got here to Casa Nan Eerdd at about 7 pm last night...WHAT a GREAT host!

we bought some Adult refresments that we bought for the party when the whole group gets here...well, we HAD refreshments, guess we have to make another runt to the licqor store...

Picked up Stella from the airport this afternoon....I'm in TROUBLE...a Dutchman in the company of a GORGEOUS woman spitfire...I have the feeling that I'm going to get whacked upside the head before the evening is out...

Here's a picture of Dea, me, and a possible dinner:

And here is Stella, Dea, and me...and a decidedly nervous future entre..

I'll try to keep updateing between six packs and dodging Stella's rightous forays into physical violence..

Update...the party has started, Heather,Stella ans Lady Heather have arrived, as has the pizza WHOOHOO!

Wanna see how lucky Neil and I are? Here'sLady H(front). Staci, Dea, and Stella:

Here's Lady H having her first experience with Courviosier:

Stella and the Lady H starting their foray into adult beverages:

alt="Image hosting by Photobucket">

Here I am in a sea of G.L.O.R.'s ...and maybe dinner tomorrow, any wonder I got a shit eating grin?!?:

Here's Staci showing us some perverted photoshops:

So far i've been able to keep out of Stella's reach, but I'm losing energy fast, and sooner or later she's gonna knock me out..at least it will be a well deserved assskicking
Well, BC has arrived, so the party is officially started! Maybe I'll update a little later, IF I can stay sober enough to type!

BC is getting a little pervy with dinner:

Mama, Stella wasn't fast enough with the camera, but BC wanted more nookie from the chicken, apparently I wasn't "Brokeback" enough for him. Neil has locked the two hound dogs away, for their protection.

It seems that Staci wants to get in on the action...:

Two pervs, having a blast:

Furthur updates as possible

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 05:05 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 319 words, total size 3 kb.

It's 5:20 in the morning on Thursday, and in a little over nine hours, I'll be taking off from Indpls. International, on my way to three glorious days in the Florida sunshine in the company of a bunch of fellow reprobate LC's of the Rott Empire. I doubt very much that I'll have much access to a computor until I get back on Sunday night; my lap top is on the fritz again, so I'm not even going to try to lug it with me.

I still have to go to the license branch before my flight tomorrow to take care of a little business that I'll need to have ready for when I go to court Monday afternoon, so I'll only get a couple hours sleep;but I figure I can get a good nap on the plane down to Tampa.

Please visit the fine blogs on my blogroll, and let them know who sent ya there!

Have a marvelous weekend and I'll see you all on Monday, if I can't get a post in before then, and if they don't decide to hold me during the hearing...

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 05:31 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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In light of recent statements by John Kerry essentially calling President Bush a liar, I think it might be reasonable to bring back this little issue.

So WHEN are you going to do it Mr Kerry? If you want to pontificate on the honesty of another, you should be willing to demonstrate your own qualifications as a truth teller.

H/T to Wild Thing for the reminder, and the photo

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 07:44 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 108 words, total size 1 kb.

Following the confirmation of Judge Alito by the Senate Judiciary Sub-Committee, the memebers of the DNC retired to console their defeat at their favorite brewery:

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 07:29 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Galloway to Uday Hussein: “I’d like you to know that we are with you ‘til the end.”

I certainly hope that Mr. Galloway's constitutents take care of this human wannabe the next time he sits for election.

Wild Thing

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 07:24 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 51 words, total size 1 kb.

Want to know what makes you a you? Take the quiz.. I dispute the "arrogance" ingredient, I prefer to term it "informed confidence".

Quiz Time..

I saw this quiz at Acidmans site. He was bemoaning the fact that he was a Honda, and not an American made car. So I thought I'd take the quiz and see what I was.

I'm a Chevrolet Corvette!

You're a classic - powerful, athletic, and competitive. You're all about winning the race and getting the job done. While you have a practical everyday side, you get wild when anyone pushes your pedal. You hate to lose, but you hardly ever do.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

Well I guess I can handle that....at least I'm a domestic brand!

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 12:02 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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January 24, 2006

January 23, 2006