Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all
day and most of the night.

Mick, the bartender,finally says "You've had yer fill,
you'll not be drinking any more tonight, Paddy."

Paddy replies "OK Mick, I'll be on my way then". Paddy
spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat
on his face.

"What the...." he says and pulls himself up by the
stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards
the door and falls flat on his face again.

"Damn!" he says.

He looks to the doorway and thinks that if he can just
get to the door and get some fresh air he'll be fine.
He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up the door
frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep
breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a
step out onto the pavement and falls flat on his
face.

Wow... I'm soused," he says.

He can see his house just a few doors down, and
decides to try for it. He crawls down the street and
shimmies up the door frame, opens the door and looks
inside. He takes a look up the stairs and says, "No
flappin' way."

But he somehow crawls up the stairs to his bedroom
door and thinks, "I think I can make it to the bed."
He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his
face again.

He says, "This is hell. I gotta stop drinking," but
manages to crawl to the bed and fall in.

The next morning, his wife comes into the room
carrying a cup of coffee and says, "Get up Paddy. Did
you have a bit to drink last night?"

Paddy says, "I did Jess. I was totally pissfaced. But
how'd you know?"

"Mick called.. You left your wheelchair at the pub!!

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“The most unresolved problem of the day is precisely the problem that concerned the founders of this nation: how to limit the scope and power of government. Tyranny, restrictions on human freedom, come primarily from governmental restrictions that we ourselves have set up.” —Milton Friedman

“Liberals have for years been talking about how they are really the champions of the Constitution. They’re not, but they talk like they are. And year after year people fawn over their claims and vote for them because they actually believe that acting counter to almost everything the Constitution itself stands for is supporting and preserving the Constitution. The Constitution is a pretty simple document. It says that the federal government has very limited authority. And it goes on to say that every authority not granted to the federal government through it is reserved by the States and the people.” —J.J. Jackson

And in honor of St. Paddy's Day:

“Well, Seamus Wright, I’ll keep this brief. On St. Patrick’s Day, you should spend time with saints and scholars, so of course, you know, I have two more stops I have to make. I turned back to the ancient days of Ireland to find a suitable toast, and I think I have found it. St. Patrick was a gentleman who through strategy and stealth drove all the snakes from Ireland. Here’s toasting to his health—but not too many toastings lest you lose yourself and then forget the good St. Patrick and see all those snakes again. I believe that, you know, let those who love us, love us, and those who don’t love us, let God turn their hearts. And if He won’t turn their hearts, let Him turn their ankles so we’ll know them by their limp. May you have warm words on a cold evening and a full moon on a dark night and a smooth road all the way to your door.” —Ronald Reagan (17 March 198 joshing then-House Speaker Jim Wright

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I think anti-war protesters may have to start holding protests without any prior announcement, at least if the well publicized protest at the mall in Tacoma Wash. is any guide. Pro-military counter protesters arrived earlier and set up lines to prevent the anti-war protesters from accomplishing their goal of "shutting down business of armed forces recruiters". It really made my heart fill with pride to note that the pro-military people showed up at a ratio of five to one to stop the patchouli soaked hippies/"progressive" morons people of the anti-war movement.

Here is the video:

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Our neighbors to the north have gone further down the path of total gun control by banning almost all guns from private civilian hands...the inevitable results?
Crime in general has risen over 28% since the banning, and violent crimes such as rape and armed assault have risen even higher. There is a move afoot by the citizenry to have the anti-possession laws repealed and as part of that effort they have produced some very effective videos such as this one:

Two options indeed. Think if it was YOUR daughter, YOUR wife...YOU. Which option would YOU choose? Note that the girl didn't have to fire the weapon for it to be an effective detourrent, in fact, most times a weapon is used in self defense, it is NOT fired.

As for me and mine; "from my cold dead hands". Molon Labe !

H/T to Chris at My VRWC

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A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven.

While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates.

She saw a beautiful banquet table.
Sitting all around were her parents and
all the other people she had loved and who had died before her.

They saw her and began calling greetings to her . 'Hello - How are you! We've been waiting for you! Good to see you.'

When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?'

'You have to spell a word,' Saint Peter told her.

'Which word?' the woman asked.

'Love.'

The woman correctly spelled 'Love'.

And Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.

About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day.

While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived.

'I'm surprised to see you,' the woman said. 'How have you been?'

'Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died,' her husband told her.

'I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill.

And then I won the multi-state lottery.

I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion.

And my wife and I traveled all around the world.

We were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I fell and hit my head, and here I am. What a bummer!

'How do I get in?' '
'You have to spell a word,' the woman told him.

'Which word?' her husband asked.

' Czechoslovakia .'

Moral of the story: Never make a woman
angry... There will be Hell to pay later!

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“The public cannot be too curious concerning the characters of public men.” —Samuel Adams

“Many in the media refer to Eliot Spitzer as some moral hero who fell from grace. Spitzer was never a moral hero. He was an unscrupulous prosecutor who threw his power around to ruin people, even when he didn’t have any case with which to convict them of anything.” —Thomas Sowell

“The biggest beneficiary of Hillary’s ‘3 a.m.’ ad is—John McCain. Of the three candidates, Americans believe he is best suited to be commander-in-chief by a lopsided margin. Hillary argued that when the tough times come, ‘You have to be ready to make a decision.’ You do, and Hillary isn’t... In truth, neither Obama nor Hillary can name an accomplishment that qualifies them for the office they seek.” —Ben Johnson

You know, there’s talk in some Democratic circles of letting the states of Michigan and Florida re-vote. Today, Al Gore said, “Oh, now you think of this! Great!” ... They’re talking about a re-vote primary where people would mail in their ballots. That’s a great idea; combine the reliability of the people in Florida who count the ballots with the efficiency of the Post Office. What could go wrong there?--Jay Leno

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“Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery.” Sir Winston Churchill

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'Irish Viagra'

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice
in reviving her husband's libido. "What about trying Viagra?" asked the
doctor. "Not a chance", she said. "He won't even take an aspirin."

"Not a problem," replied the doctor. "Give him an 'Irish Viagra'. It's
when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it.
Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went."

It wasn't a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired
as to her progress. The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and
begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!"

"Really? What happened?" asked the doctor.

"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect
was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye
and w ith his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he
sent me cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and
took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare,
I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"

"Why so terrible?" asked the doctor, "Do you mean the sex your husband
provided wasn't good?"

"Good jaysus, 'twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm
sittin here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!"

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"target ="blank">Pat Condell has observed that, under PC , "everything must be viewed as how it will affect Islam" im wesern society. He goes on to condemn this attitude. Finally, someone that speaks what they mean instead of what is what is PC.

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I am a: Glock Model 22 in 40 cal

What kind of handgun are YOU?

I would rather be a model 1911, but hey, .40 is better than a euroweinie 9MM!

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 03:39 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Here is an interesting video post on the events in Europe vis a vis the Islamic demands. As the poster said, in any SANE society, these "protesters" would be given the bums rush at the least, and more likely a ride on a rail out of town and into the river.

We in America are not immune from the effects of PC "cultural diversity" either. When C.A.I.R. can use our courts to try to terrorize those that report suspicious activity by members of the Islamic faith in an airport,or try to enforce THEIR religious strictures on those not of their faith, can UK style appeasement be far behind? Just my opinion, your mileage may vary.

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“[I]f industry and labour are left to take their own course, they will generally be directed to those objects which are the most productive, and this in a more certain and direct manner than the wisdom of the most enlightened legislature could point out.” —James Madison

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I love Mustard. (This is a true story. If you have children you will probably relate to this father.)

As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection: a thick slab of ham on a fresh bun with crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard. The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side. “Here, hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich,” she said.

I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers.

I love mustard.
I had no napkin.
I licked it off
It was not mustard.

No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protrudi ng. With a washcloth in each hand, I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do; only I did it on my tongue.

Later, after she stopped crying from laughing so hard, my wife said, “Now you know why they call that fancy mustard 'Poupon.'”

H?T to CATFISH

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While perusing through the Internettubes I came upon a " a quarterly, independent, radical, newspaper published in the East Bay since 1988 by the Slingshot Collective." called SLINGSHOT.

One contributor of the site, one "Susan Saxaphone" (MY, how original!) was recounting how she was recruited to participate in a protest of the Berkely Marine Corps recruiting station. "I sat down in a plastic pink lawn chair in the street and lazily waved a sign saying "You can't go to school in a body bag." So far, so very banal.

What interested me was when she recounted, "I put out my cigarette when Linda Maio and Max Anderson walked up to the picket. These two Berkeley City Council members gave stump speeches urging the protesters to keep the banner high."

Of course, Ms. Saxaphone was all atwitter on how even the local government was "speaking truth to power". I, however,was, and I believe any sane person should be, outraged.

This is a case of having American elected officials encouraging insurrection against our military men and women here in America. I wonder if any of those officials heard a single word of the oaths they took when they were seated in office. This is nothing but plain sedition in time of war, compounded and aggravated by the fact that it is being done under color of authority.

Yes, elected officials do have the same rights of free speech as anyone else, but to engage in anti-war/anti-military protesting goes beyond the pale. If an elected official feels that strongly against a general public policy, they should resign their post and then protest to their hearts content. That is what a person of honor and integrity would do ( I know, I know, what politician knows the meaning of those two words, other than as lip service throwaway terms in stump speeches?)

Both Linda Maio and Max Anderson should face some consequences of their actions; at the very least, they should be removed from office. I'm sure that some of my more bloodthirsty acquaintances would prefer to go "rope,tree, miscreant officials; some assembly required" on their asses, but hey I have started to consider the environmental consequences of that action and feel it would be too damned bloody smelly after the bodies had been hanging for a week or so. I would be more content with building concrete cells,allowing only a 1" X 15" slit for bread, water, and air and putting said offenders within to reconsider their actions for a decade or three. Thats just my opinion, your mileage may vary.

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I found this via the Rott, and if you can watch this without getting a tear in your eye and a at least a little lump in your throat, I don't want to know you.

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How To Give A
Cat A Pill:

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right fore-finger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill In right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, Drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on to neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.
Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from tree across the road.
Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie
the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14.
Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the Emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15.
Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How To
Give A Dog A Pill:

1. Wrap it in bacon.

2. Toss it in the air.

Thanks Cat!

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Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing
at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that
her hair smells nice.

After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore,
takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and
asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.

The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled and asks, "What's
sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"

The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget."

H/T to Catfish

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