"Bear Removers."
A man wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Bear Removers." He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes.
The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull. "What are you going to do," the homeowner asks?
"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off the roof, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van." He then hands the shotgun to the homeowner.
"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.
"If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog," he answers.
Hat tip to Catfish
Economic News
It's a constant Democratic meme that the economy is "the worst in 20 years", but the newest information from the Treasury Dept. belies this. Even before President Bush has been sworn in for his second term, the latest budget figures reveal that there has already been a $11Billion drop in the deficit from this same time last year.
It seems that the Democrats don't mind the gradual increase in fiscal warmth of increasing deficits under a Democratic Administration, but expecting a total and instant turnaround of an economy when the opposition party has the reins. A lot of good news is coming out of the government agencies, but you won't hear about it from the MSM.
Read the agency stats and you get a different picture of the economy than you get from the Old Grey Lady and her co-horts in propaganda.
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I'd agree that the economy is slowly improving. But the idea that a drop in the deficit is a major plus is a bit much don't you think? Put on a personal level, it's like saying: My family finances were 100 grand in the red last year and this year they're only 80 grand in the red--so I've improved things by 20 grand. True, but hardly praise-worthy.
Posted by: Karlo at January 14, 2005 04:08 PM (ddf+l)
In Honor of the Peoples Choice Awards
"To Proctor & Gamble went Moore
Where he fell in machinery obscure
Oils, soaps, and detergent...
Eight products divergent
Were rendered, plus nine bags manure."
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They shoot horses dont they? I hope the BAron HArkonene Stunt Double Chokes on a twinky or even better one of Moms Apple Pies....He is an odius as well as maloudurous pile of offal.
I think he is the single most anoying idiotarian on the block.
Glad to se you posting Delfts...
Posted by: NEIlV at January 13, 2005 11:20 AM (85I1+)
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Love it. It will have to suffice until we can read the real obituary and have a true belly laugh.
Posted by: Jack at January 13, 2005 01:11 PM (NItbB)
Super Mario Brothers
Everyone remembers the original Nintendo (Hell I had an Atari and before that Pong). The game that started it all... Super Mario Bros. Mario was a huge character and the spin offs from the Mario Brother series is practically endless.
Well thanks to a friend I have a link to the original ending....
Please be patient
The DSL line is now down, and Delftsman is unable to post from home. Until I get paid on Friday and can pay the ransom demanded by SBC, posting will be thin to non-existant here, unless I can get a couple of guest bloggers to help out.
Until then, why not this?
Subject: GLOVES
A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous so
he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.
"Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked.
"No, I don't."
"Well," he spoofed, "there's a building in Mexico with a big tank of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size."
She didn't crack a smile. "Oh, well. I tried," he thought.
But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing.
"What's so funny?" he asked.
"I was just envisioning how condoms are made!"
Gotta watch those little old ladies! Their minds are always working!
Posted by: Mamamontezz at
12:48 AM
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WMD"s Random thoughts
I keep hearing the same old tired meme from the Leftist Moonbat Brigades that there haven't been any WMD's found in Iraq, thus President Bush is a liar and probably Hitler incarnate.
The Moonbats keep throwing around numbers of upwards of 100,000+ Iraqis killed by the vicious American Armed Services, never mind that they can't cite any reliable sources for these numbers.
Some on the Left have gone so far as to equate the "insurgent's" in Iraq with the Minutemen of the Revolutionary War.
The Left claim that President Bush rushed to war without even trying to get the rest of the world on board, disregarding the facts that:
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re: "Oh, and there were no ties between Saddam and Bin Ladin? (don't forget Salmon Pak!)"
Alas, the left has worked very hard to dismiss Salmon Pak. Every time I bring it up on a board, some Moonbat comes along and shrugs it off. Never mind that it was IRAQIS who told us that al Qaeda were training there! That was what gave it such a ring of truth to me. Iraqis who worked there in clerical and services jobs said that they were forbidden to speak to al Qaeda. That rings SO true to me! After all, Saddam would want to support "the enemy of my enemy"... but wouldn't want his own people contaminated with their sick philosophies. That bit about not being allowed to speak to al Qaeda was what sold me!
Posted by: mamapajamas at January 02, 2005 07:32 AM (BXkU4)
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The left will do anything to hid the facts.They just cant abide by the fact that we are doing something decent in Iraq and not exploiting the place.Check out my fisk of Boobert Mcllend at Blog-gig Him and dumb yeah are my only posters lol Cheers and Happy New Years to you ,Mama,and Anna
Posted by: LCNEilV at January 02, 2005 01:28 PM (7Vwh0)
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Like a child's security blanket, the left can't leave their playbook behind when they venture out.
Posted by: Jack at January 02, 2005 07:48 PM (AcGPE)
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I have found that without a few rants or pre-fab complaints the left have nothing to talk about. Try as they may, theirs will never be a Grand Old Party.
SlagleRock Out!
Posted by: SlagleRock at January 03, 2005 12:37 AM (AtSju)
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Yeah but ya have to admit, they're fun to play with.
Posted by: Satan at January 05, 2005 04:49 PM (yYGP5)
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I'd like to say two things. First, the Bush administration has told so many lies leading up to the war that it has lost all credibility as a source. The best example is Powell's UN presentation. I've read accounts by UN inspectors and have personally met a UN inspector. Both say that Powell's account was not merely false--it was ludicrous. (One has to smile at the idea that Saddam was hiding a missile launcher the size of a football stadium and the UN inspectors--who could fly anywhere instantly without notification--somehow couldn't find it!) Secondly, regarding the Al Qaeda link: it's hard to understand why Saddam--the great secularist of the Islamic world--would cooperate with a group of radicals trying to create a pan-Islamic caliphate. I'm sure that at some point people's paths may have crossed. By the same token, I'm sure that US intelligence meets with all sorts of creeps all the time (Challabi--a convicted felon, for example, or Allawi--who our CIA says was a hitman).
Posted by: Karlo at January 05, 2005 10:01 PM (HoLw7)
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It's so true, the medical profession still is a lot of trial and error.
Reminds me of the looney left and their global cooling then their global warming, depends on which way the wind is blowing while they're setting on the fence. Happy New Year Delfts.
Posted by: Jack at January 01, 2005 02:11 AM (DlCHr)
