New Heavan Admittance Policy
It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change
the Admittance Policy. The new law was that, in order to get into
Heaven, you had to have a really bummer day on the day you died.
The policy would go into effect promptly at noon the next day.
So, the next day at 12:01 the first person arrived at the gates of
Heaven.
The gatekeeper Angel, remembering the new policy, said to the man,
"Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going
when you died."
"No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 25th-floor apartment
on my lunch hour and caught my wife having an affair - but her lover
was nowhere in sight. I immediately began searching for him. My wife,
half naked, was yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment.
"Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the
balcony and noticed a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips!
The nerve of that guy! Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his
fingers until he fell to the ground. Wouldn't you know it? He landed in some
trees and bushes that broke his fall, and he didn't die. Now in a rage, I
went back inside to get the first thing I could get my hands on to throw
at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. I
unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony and tipped it over the
side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the
moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly."
The Angel thought for a moment. Technically, even tho it was a
crime of passion, the guy did have a bad day, so the Angel announced, "Okay,
sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven!" and let him in.
A few seconds later, the next arrival, to the Angel's surprise, was
Donald Trump! "Mr.Trump, before I can let you in, I need to
hear about what your day was like when you died."
Trump said, "No problem - but you're not going to believe this. I
was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises.
I'd been under a lot of pressure, so I was really pushing hard to
relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and fell over the
side. Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the
balcony below mine, but, all of a sudden, this crazy man comes running out
of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well - of
course I fell! I hit some trees and bushes which broke my fall, so I didn't
die right away. As I'm lying there, face up on the ground, unable to
move and in excruciating pain, I see this lunatic push his refrigerator
- of all things! - off the balcony. It landed on top of me, killing me instantly."
The Angel quietly laughed to himself as Trump finished his story
and thought "I could get used to this new policy!" "Very well," the
Angel announced. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he let Trump
enter.
A few seconds later, Bill Clinton arrived at the gate. The Angel
was almost too shocked to speak. Thoughts of assassination and war
poured through the Angel's head. Finally he said, "Mr. President, please - tell me what it was like the day you died."
Clinton said, "Okay. Picture this. I'm naked inside a refrigerator ... "
. .
1
Hey Jeff Gannon they let you have a Blog space???
Scumbag Republicans will have their collective feeding tubes removed in 2006...
CHIMPEACHMENT 2006
you Republicans smear our troops and cut their benefits you are so unAmerican sell your patriot -lite to the Saudi Royal Family like Bush Laden does daily....
Posted by: Bruiser at July 30, 2005 02:25 PM (M7kiy)
DSL Update
Just got the word from SBC that the DSL line will become fully accessible on Tuesday, August 2nd. I sincerely hope that this will be the case, but as they have moved the date back twice already, I will just have to wait and see if they come through this time.
I am gratefull for all of you that have remained loyal in the face of no posting here for the last three weeks.
I hope to come out strong as soon as I have the connection enableing me to do so....there is SO much to rant about lately, and it's been a real mental strain not having the outlet of this blog to release the pressure.
1
There are some biblical warnings about false prophets, makes one wonder doesn't it.
Posted by: Jack at July 22, 2005 03:42 PM (nQ4Ev)
2
Have u ever read the Holy Quran???? Don't be afriad just read it and try to understand it if u don't like it so it is not big deal but making fun about somthing u don't know this is a BIG IGNORANCE. have a go and read it once.
Posted by: Er at October 20, 2005 10:31 PM (K7i3m)
Moral Equivalence?
Time and again, I see in the press stories that try to equate the actions of murduring thugs with that of our troops fighting them. It's a breath of fresh air to read something like THIS.
It's about time that the Terrorist apologists in the press start to display some sense and show the real disparity in the actions of the Mooselimbs and our soldiers. Our soldiers aren't saints by any stretch of the imagination, especially when engaged in the heat of a battle, but the actions taken by PFC Tschiderer demonstrate that atrocitities are the rare exception rather than the rule; in direct reverse of the enemy we are engaged with.
As Mr. Avlon put it: "Our troops may not be perfect — we are human beings at war, not angels in heaven — but there is no moral equivalence between terrorists who target innocent human life, and the soldiers of the civilized world who try to bind the wounds of those who have just tried to kill them in combat."
Time and again, our troops have taken more causelties than they truly have needed to, because they follow strict ROE designed to protect the innocent as much as possible in a hot war zone. By contrast, the enemy we fight have targeted civilians as the MAIN option...after all, it's a lot safer for them to detonate a bomb among civilians than trying to engage troops in face to face battle.
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"after all, it's a lot safer for them to detonate a bomb among civilians than trying to engage troops in face to face battle."
While I totally agree that deliberately targeting civilians is cowardly and unjust, they are hardly doing so to protect their own safety. The very term 'suicide bomber' should tell you that.
It's an interesting conclusion you draw (Avlon draws) regarding morality. In reality the actions of PFC Tschiderer do not prove anything about the morality of the troops in general (being just one occurence) but only about the morality of PFC Tschiderer.
Having said that, what an amazing young man! There's no doubt that men like him set a wonderful example for how war should be about resolving a situation, not enjoying killing others. I have no doubt that his example will help to build just the kind of morality you'd want the troops of 'a civilised nation' to have.
Posted by: chosha at July 19, 2005 11:12 PM (r2eny)
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Chosa, Pfc. Tschiderer's actions are indicitive of JUST the type of men that we have in our Armed Services.
Those suicide bombers are just dupes of the "insurgents" for the most part, NOT the insurgents themselves... another example of their cowardice.
They have kidnapped mentally challenged children to use as their carriers; they have used women and children as human shields, they have used Mosques as arms Depots, they have set up high explosives to kill large numbers of their OWN co-religionists, and yet, with all this evidence, those such as you will still try to denigrate OUR men with the (implied)statement that our troops need an example such as PFC T's in order to come to a morality that you may approve of.... PFC T. is just an example of the NORM, not an outlandish exception to the rule.
I am sick to death of those of your ilk that will bend over backwards to excuse the actions of the enemy as "culturally excusable", and all the while take every opportunity to cry "Mea Culpa" over anything our soldiers do that the other side complains about.
War is NOT about "resolving a situation", it's about killing the enemy before he kills you.
That we are attempting to hold to strict ROE to limit the collateral damages and show forbearance towards our enemies in defeat only proves that we are, indeed the civilized side. The only problem I have with that attitude is that it has needlessly cost a number of our soldiers lives.
War is not a civilized pursuit, it is a dirty, brutal endeavor, to be used only as the last resort; but when you do engage in it, the only goal should to be to win as quickly and decisively as possible; and with as uneven a ratio of enemy to friendly forces causelties as possible.
Posted by: delftsman3 at July 21, 2005 04:17 AM (6Px/Q)
MuHAMmed Gets New Bed
His most Magnificant Rottiness, Darth Misha 1 had a problem...it seems that his pet pig, MuHAMmed, had gotten too large to comfortably roam the halls of the Imperial Palace.
Well, our dear Emperor DOES have a crack staff of scientists, and they managed to shrink the Imperial Porcine down to a much more manageable size, but then there arose a new problem; where could poor MuHAMmed rest his Imperial snout? His old pad was now much too large.
Our Emperor, ever the resourceful one, hit upon the perfect solution for a new resting place:
Sleep easy, MuHAMmed, and if the burlap is a little rough, I'm sure the Emperor can find you a nice thick prayer rug to replace it.
2
Do some reasearch about Islam and your heart will tell you the truth defenitly. No need to make a fun on a Holy Prophet because what ever youdid it doesn't effects his rank above with His LOrd. You need to think about this: Who are you? where did you come from?? and where are you going(after death)??? If you can answer me please do!!!
Posted by: Er at October 20, 2005 10:26 PM (K7i3m)
Joke of the Day
Two men dressed in pilot's uniforms walk up the aisle of the airplane.
Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is
tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.
Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the
cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers
begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is
just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.
The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and the people
sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the
water at the edge of the airport territory. As it begins to look as
though the plane will plough into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin.
At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers
relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their
magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands
In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says,
"You know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and we're
all gonna die."
hiat=us
two BOTH of my readers, I apologize. I've been offline since the 4th due to extreme poverty. I've gotten a temporary dial-up connection; but it's not good enough to be able to post too much. I hope to have DSL back by the end of next week.
Please go through the archives, and the fine folks in the blogroll. I'll be back ASAP with my twaddle.
1
Understood, thanks for the update, hope you get back soon.Wishing you and the family all the best.
Posted by: Jack at July 10, 2005 06:16 PM (zwpSP)
2
i guess i am too new to count!
be looking for you in the future....
Posted by: roklobsta at July 11, 2005 09:05 AM (kPmXY)
3
You mean they still offer dial up? Just joking. Actually, my fancy cable connection is down so much of the time that I'd prefer dial-up. Whatever happened to the idea of curb-to-curb glass-fiber connections and cheap internet connections available via satellite. Some geeks out in California have been sleeping on the job.
Posted by: Karlo at July 11, 2005 08:19 PM (r65rq)
The 4th
As an immigrant to this country, the 4th of July was always one of my favorite holidays. It's the birthday of the greatest country the world has ever seen. That makes it even sadder to see what we've done to her in the last twenty years or so. McCain-Feingold, the "real ID", the recent "takings" decision by the SCOTUS, the RICO act, and a myriad of other actions that we've allowed our government to engender is taking our freedoms one by one. Take this 4th to really THINK about what we are celebrating, and steel yourself to fighting the battle to take it back.
On a lighter note, I want to wish my father a happy 74th Birthday. He loves to tell the story of his 27th birthday. He had just moved his family the previous September to a new country, where he didn't know a soul, didn't know the language, and had no job waiting for him. What he DID have was a wife and two young children to support, and a dream of providing them a better life than they could have had in the Netherlands, which was still trying to recover from the ravages of WW11 at the time. When it got dark on that first 4th of July in his new homeland, the sky was lit up with a great display of fireworks.
He thought they were celebratiog his birthday! WHAT A COUNTRY!
1
Great story! He must have felt quite overwhelmed!
Posted by: Andy T. at July 05, 2005 08:11 AM (jMADI)
2
It's nice to enjoy a co-celebration!! Better that than having your birthday hijacked by feeble-minded and badly mistaken eco-weenies - like my wife's, lost in her childhood to "Earthday." Now that that its founder is dead, can we please have it back?
3
That's an awesome story. ^_^ Happy 74th to your dad!
Our first thoughts on arriving on arriving were quite different. We migrated from Barbados (population 96% black) to an Australia only just ending its White Australia policy. There I was, five years old, in this sea of newness, looking at my mother mytisfied and disoriented asking, 'Where are all the black people? Don't they have any black people?' I was quite upset and it took some getting used to.
South Australia was also very dry in comparison and I distinctly remember telling my parents that the trees here were 'all dry up and dead looking'. I can appreciate the beauty of the Australian landscape now, but at the time it was all too new and strange. Maybe I'd have felt differently if there were fireworks greeting us, haha.
Posted by: chosha at July 09, 2005 04:15 AM (C0pxY)
4
Chosha:
I'm old enough now to remember the policy you speak of. I was in South East Asia at the time.
It must have been very difficult for you. Praise to you and your family for the determination to head into the unknown and make a go of it.
The 4th
As an immigrant to this country, the 4th of July was always one of my favorite holidays. It's the birthday of the greatest country the world has ever seen. That makes it even sadder to see what we've done to her in the last twenty years or so. McCain-Feingold, the "real ID", the recent "takings" decision by the SCOTUS, the RICO act, and a myriad of other actions that we've allowed our government to engender is taking our freedoms one by one. Take this 4th to really THINK about what we are celebrating, and steel yourself to fighting the battle to take it back.
On a lighter note, I want to wish my father a happy 74th Birthday. He loves to tell the story of his 27th birthday. He had just moved his family the previous September to a new country, where he didn't know a soul, didn't know the language, and had no job waiting for him. What he DID have was a wife and two young children to support, and a dream of providing them a better life than they could have had in the Netherlands, which was still trying to recover from the ravages of WW11 at the time. When it got dark on that first 4th of July in his new homeland, the sky was lit up with a great display of fireworks.
He thought they were celebratiog his birthday! WHAT A COUNTRY!
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Whoo NASA!
Nasa gave us a fantastic fireworks show with the Deep Impact Project.
This whole project was akin to trying to hit a speeding bullet with another bullet, all by remote control from the other side of the world. They carried it out with flawless precision.
Here are two views taken from the delivery vehicle:
Here is an image of the colision as seen from an Earth orbiting telescope:
Another step in learning about our universe. Congratulations NASA!
O'Connor Quits
Justice Sandra Day O'Connor is calling it quits. Forgive me if I say that I won't miss her, she must have been a disappointment to President Reagan with some of her stands.
Now we'll get a chance to see if the Democrats will be as willing to compremise as they claimed they were, and just how much backbone may exist on the Right side of the aisle. The only thing that is certain is that it's going to be a donnybrook.
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Democrats? Compromise? Does anybody honestly think Howard Dean is going to let us have the nominee we want? Is anybody that stupid? The entire democratic party is now run around the principle of opposing whatever it is Republicans do. We could nominate Bill Clinton and they'd start talking about how his affair in office made him unfit to judge.
No, the only thing to do here is to pick the most conservative nominee possible and STEAMROLL THEM INTO OFFICE OVER THE BLOODY CORPSES OF THE MINORITY PARTY!
Can we do it? I think we can. Even a dunderhead like Frist knows that if he botches this his presidential ambitions are going up in smoke; and the same goes, to a lesser degree, for our "Maverick" McCain.
Posted by: phnxfire54 at July 01, 2005 07:39 PM (uTM33)
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Can't say I'll miss her either, the left won't have her to legitimize their vote, it'll all be their actions now. I'll bet they had to put Howie in the rubber room when this news came out.
Posted by: Jack at July 02, 2005 12:24 AM (kJK5V)
3
Oh yeah, they'll compromise on a Ginsburg clone. That's about all. I'm watching cryin' George Voinovich very closely. He better not pull the same crap as he did with the Bolton nomination and sandbag his leadership.
Posted by: StinKerr at July 06, 2005 04:25 PM (0aiy7)
Joke of the Day
Just to lighten things up a little, just a little humor.
Are They Male Or Female?
ZIPLOC BAGS - male, because they hold everything in, but you can always
see right through them.
SHOE - male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging
out.
COPIER - female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up.
TIRE - male, because it goes bald and often is over inflated.
HOT AIR BALLOON - male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to
light a fire under it ... and, of course, there's the hot air part.
SPONGES - female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain
water.
SUBWAY - male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
HOURGLASS - female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
HAMMER - male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000
years, but it's handy to have around.
REMOTE CONTROL - female! Ha! You thought we'd say male. But consider,
it gives men pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't
always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.
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Must ReadRWR sent me this link to an excellant op-ed piece by Mark Alexander on the Town Hall site.
Mr. Alexander layed it all out, no need for me to comment on it, other than to say, more and more of the triggers are being pulled, how long before blood is the only way to get back on the course layed out by our Progenitors?
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Actually no, I wouldn't have said that, because what you're criticising him for is directly relevent to the issue you're talking about. I agree that he makes himself look ridiculous in slamming Dubbya for something he himself has done.
Just realise that this doesn't remove the fact that Pres Bush DOES keep linking two unrelated events (9/11 and the Iraqi War) in order to keep Americans supporting the war. Americans have a low tolerance for any war that drags on and where their soldiers die (the Gulf war was perfect - quick, instant success, very few US casualties...a politician's dream war).
But 9/11 was on US soil, a terrifying reminder that America is not immune from vulnerability. So connecting the two serves two purposes for Bush.
1. It makes people feel emotional and scared and this leads them to give support to the war in Iraq, because they see it as necessary for their security, which it isn't (can't attack the US with non-existant WMD, can they?)
2. It's a misdirection technique. Labelling Iraq as 'part of the war on terror' gives people the impression that the government is DOING SOMETHING about terrorists, when in fact NOTHING has been achieved in finding Bin Laden or bringing the perpetrators of 9/11 to justice.
Even if you think that Bush is a great president, that's no reason to be fooled by political rhetoric and clever manipulation in speech-writing. This kind of control is used by politicians good and bad, sadly, to avoid having to face their voters with stark truths. The only link between 9/11 and Iraq is the one he (and apparently Rockefeller
) has created in the minds of Americans. And that's neither fair on Americans, or Iraqis.
Posted by: chosha at July 01, 2005 10:11 PM (1v6Rd)
Ward Churchill...
Ward Churchill is at it again... making statements like
"...Conscientious objection removes a given piece of cannon fodder from the fray. Fragging an officer has a much more impactful effect."
I'm having too much of a RCOB moment to make a coherent response, but luckily for me, my Better Half has no such problem....guess I give her enough RCOB moments to enable her to function through them LOL.
Sir George does an admirable job over at the Rott too. Sometimes, less IS more.
Blackfive has a good suggestion too, write the Chancellor of CU and put in your .02 worth about such a person being allowed to teach our youth.
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CHICKENHAWK!
Jay Tea over at Whizbang has a great post up demolishing the "chickenhawk" strawman that the Moonbat Minions of the Left love to use as an "argument" as to why any of us who support the war effort in Iraq should be discounted in our opinions as cowards not willing to back up our rhetoric.
Jay Tea is right on the mark when he says:
"I've always believed that one should limit one's arguments to the issues, not the individuals. I always try to refrain from gratuitous personal attacks when discussing matters of grave import... [snip]
"That belief stands in stark contrast with the "chickenhawk" argument, which tries to shift the discussion from the message to the messenger. It tries to move the topic from "is this a good idea?" to "who the hell are you to say anything?" It is an attempt to silence the opposition by assailing them personally, by punishing them for daring to have a dissenting opinion."
And one of the commenters in the thread had the perfect comeback by fighting fire with fire:
"But as far as the chicken hawk thing goes, I like to respond by offering a similar question in return. For example, I might ask:"
“Do you support universal access to healthcare for all?”
"If so, then I follow up with:"
“Have you volunteered to be a no-cost medical doctor, or nurse, or nurse’s assistant? Or maybe a crisis counselor, or dental assistant, or vision tester, etc. Surely, there is somewhere in the health care environment where you can contribute. Maybe you’re better with computers. Have you offered your time to help set up a data base at the free clinic? Maybe you don’t have the time or special skills to contribute. Are you at least providing monetary support?”
As Jay Tea first stated, the whole chickenhawk argument is just a vacuous attempt to take the argument from dicussing the issue to attacking the individual.
Update: Oleg Dulin made some comments in Whizbangs thread, and put up his own post where he asks: "What made Iraq unique enough to be attacked"?. I tried to respond in his comments and only got a "I know what your doing, your trying to spam my comments" message. In fairness, it is stated that there would be a confirmation message sent to my e-mail to post a reply, but that has not been forthcoming as of yet. I can see wanting to do anything to keep spam away, but making it so difficult to get through to opine makes it seem to me that Oleg really doesn't want to hear any opposing opinions...maybe he'll come here and try to engage?
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The Chickenhawk charge is always stupid, but deranged when it comes from lefties, most of whom would fight for nothing except the right not fight for anything.
I've been called a Chickenhawk on other blogs; when I tell them I was in Vietnam and have three sons in this war, most of them never answer, some of them call me a liar, and the others change the subject.
It's a ridiculous charge anyway. It's easy to weed out the posers and the military nuts who serve only in their fantasies. Recognizing a national danger and supporting the men and women under arms is one piece of patriotism. This is what lefties can't accept, the existence of people better and more muscular, in every way, than they are.
Posted by: Rhod at June 30, 2005 05:14 PM (6krEN)
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Better a chickenhawk than a chickenchicken.
It is a strength of civilization that people do what they are best at. When I was 18 I fought a war. At 74, I engineer. At every stage of my life I FOUGHT FOR MY COUNTRY.
Posted by: Walter E. Wallis at June 30, 2005 06:21 PM (xX0fS)
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Well stated Walter. At 19, I too was fighting a war, albeit not on the front line, and at 51 I'm fighting one with a keyboard.
Posted by: delftsman3 at June 30, 2005 06:35 PM (vooSr)
4
"That belief stands in stark contrast with the "chickenhawk" argument, which tries to shift the discussion from the message to the messenger. It tries to move the topic from "is this a good idea?" to "who the hell are you to say anything?"
Like your post of June 29 on the Muslim mind (linking the comment of one cleric to the issue overall)?
Or your post of June 28 on people in glass houses (textbook 'who the hell are you to talk' comment)?
Doesn't that kind of put you in the glass house?
You know, I find lots of interesting ideas in your posts, which is why I keep reading, but I am constantly finding that you are so busy slagging off at your imagined enemies that you see everything from a skewed, subjective perspective. I think that's a real shame given how well you collect relevent information.
Posted by: chosha at June 30, 2005 06:52 PM (3ciSx)
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What are you taling about ? Check your spam filter. My blog backend sends an email immediately with a link to click. Once you click the comment is posted. I just saw your post in the queue and approved it myself.
Jay Tea himself had no trouble posting comments!
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Sorry Oleg, but I never got anything but a "your trying to spam me" message. Thank you for approving my comment. Sorry for any misunderstanding.
Posted by: delftsman3 at June 30, 2005 09:12 PM (vooSr)
7
I take another approach to the Chickenshits of the left--
If this war is so illegal and immoral, and you're so full of Righteous Outrage™, then why aren't you taking up arms against it?
Shuts 'em up every time.
Satisfaction
I just wanted to share a moment of self-satisfaction. I passed the 20,000 visitor mark yesterday, and I attained the level of Large Mammal in the TTLB (if only for a day, as is likely, but I still was there!
I may just have a blog going...and it's all due to YOU, the readers of my inane scribblings.
I can't say it enough:
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F.E.C. and the Internet
The F.E.C. met to discuss the possible regulation of political speech on the internet.
In a personal sense, don't give a damn what regulations they put into place, I really don't believe that they will affect me in any manner, as I am not connected to any candidate or party, and if it comes to the point where the opinion of a private citizen becomes regulated, I'm afraid that it would be one of the "revolutionary triggers" I discussed in an earlier post, and the regulations will have become moot.
1
Regulation would please the little tyrant McCain, and the collection of buffoons who fear being exposed. If anything like it happens, all of them will be finished forever.
